I was reminded of a scene in the book when reading someone elses blog and it jarred my memory of how intense the scene was.
In the part of the book where Mr. Meyers talks about Nicholas’ dog dying and how it hurt him…to quote “And if he had a wish, it was simply that he could cry.” –oof! That part gripped me and I could feel his pain. I think some people might attribute his not crying to the type of person he was (as in someone the writer wanted you to dislike at first), but I attributed it to his grief.
Sometimes people respond differently to death and grief. I remember when we found out that my uncle died. The pain was so sharp and so sudden it felt as if I couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone was pressing against my chest and not letting me get any air inside, at the same time I felt like someone was squeezing my head so hard that I was sure at any minute that 1) I would pass out from no air and 2) that my eyes were about to pop out of my skull. I was very young when he died, I think I was about 10 or so and I had never had any experience with someone dying that I was close to.
A part of me was not sure how I was supposed to respond. I am an emotional person, it has taken me a few years to be able to recognize that, and so one of the things I was able to do was to cry. But I remember it taking awhile because I was so numb at first. When someone close to me dies, even if I know they are saved and going to be with the Lord, I feel like my whole body has been given a huge shot of novacaine, just like at the dentist. First I experience a sharp pain, like that of the dentist’ needle and then ~BAM~ my whole body goes numb. Sometimes I welcome it, like I do at the dentist knowing that were it not for that, severe pain would follow; other times, I hate it. I feel like it takes my brain longer to process vital information. Like what to say to people when they ask how I am doing, or worse, what to say to those who were even closer to the person who passed away than I was.
After awhile, the numbness wears off, I return to my senses, I find my thoughts through all the fuzziness in my mind and am able to respond to people and sometimes, I hope, I can comfort others; and through it all…life goes on.
Through it all, God IS. God is Good. God gives hope. God gives me a reason to continue on through the pain after the numbing emotional and physical novacaine has worn off. I can remember to thank him for feelings, be they strong, mild, even painful at times. Without them, I would not be who he created me to be. Without those feelings I would have no empathy or sympathy for those who go through tough times.
Some people though, can seemingly go through life without anything affecting them. They come across as calm, cool, collected, and in control. Get me right, I am not bashing those attributes at all- sometimes I have them, sometimes I don’t. But what I am saying is that even though someone comes across that way, you can’t see their heart. You can’t hear their wish inside their head, like Nicholas in “The God Hater” by Bill Meyers, that “simply that he could cry.” Give them some time, pray for them, don’t stop caring for them, maybe they are just shot full of novacaine at the moment and need some time for it to wear off. Trust me, when the numbness wears off, they will, if they are like me, want someone there to talk to, to cry with and to pray with.
Also, see what other people have to say about his book on the following blogs.
Thomas Clayton Booher
Morgan L. Busse
Carol Bruce Collett
CSFF Blog Tour
Rebecca LuElla Miller
John W. Otte