Today is day 20 on my fit challenge that I started with an online studio called Fit2B…I only have 70 more to go! Here is my overall opinion of myself on this challenge….yayyyyughtiredsorehappyenergylackofenergyhappyhealthytirednotsohealthy.
Did you get that? That is just a short compilation of how I have felt…sometimes all in the same day. Overall I have worked out more days than not. I have lost a few inches…my waist is now at 41 inches instead of at almost 50…That is so hard to type but at the same time so freeing! I think of all the times as a kid I felt overweight, or was not overweight but still was teased about it ore made to feel ugly…usually it was by ugly people themselves. Not on the outside, but their hearts were ugly. I was always told I was beautiful by my parents. My parents have never, in all the many memories I have of them, ever lied to me. I was told I was beautiful inside and out and somewhere along the way I bought into the lie that because I did not look a certain way, dress a certain way, have my hair cut and colored a certain way, that I was ugly.
Where did this lie first come from? Was it in my adolescence, during my pre-teen years when I would see the magazines at the store that said you had to be in a size 4 jeans to be beautiful? Was it at camps when a few older girls laughed at me because I didn’t know how to curl my hair? I can not remember when I first bought into this lie but it has been presented to me throughout my whole life. During the times when I have been tired or discouraged already, this tiny vicious bald faced lie comes in to remind me that I am not conforming to the worlds standards of beauty and that instead of standing up for the Truth, that I was created in the image of a wonderful and beautiful creator, that I should give in and just accept the lie as truth. This lie affects everything and every part of my life. It says “you are ugly.” “You are not a good example of motherhood because you are not put together.” “You are not a good friend because you do not know how to present yourself like others do”, or “you are not a good wife because you did not do your hair today”….worst one of all is the lie that “You are not loved or lovable”.
This is what is at the heart of the lie. Because I don’t feel beautiful I don’t feel loved. Because I don’t feel loved I don’t feel beautiful. Now don’t get me wrong, my husband has been great at telling me that I am beautiful…and my husband does not lie either! It is not other people that is making me feel unloved, un beautiful, un happy…it is me buying into the lie that satan has presented to me. Instead of working to believe the truth about me, it is easier to give in and let the lie consume me. Let it get me down. Let it make me feel horrible, let it make me think that people are just being kind…(i.e. lying to me)… I have had enough!
During this fit challenge I have been blessed to be able to participate in and try to do something that is moving my body every single day. Some days I have moved by taking groceries inside the house and using the bags as weights…I have used playing with sarah as my exercise….I have used workout videos, I have ran and…I have learned something.
I. am. beautiful. I. am. loved. I. am. wonderfully. beautifully. awesomely. made.
Don’t get me wrong. This is not a post to boost my self esteem or to brag about how awesomely cool I am (those of you who know me personally already know this about me…don’t forget how humble I am too!!! 🙂 ), this is a post to remind YOU of how beautiful YOU are too. and to remind you that God doesn’t make junk! If I am expecting my daughter to believe this, I have to show her I believe it too!
I have learned that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. God made all the muscles in my body to work just so…the hip bones connected to the…something bone…which is connected to the…shoulder bone….connected to the…something else bone… alright forget the song. God has blessed me with a beautiful system of how things work…I workout, I feel better. I work out, I am more able to take care of my family. I work out, I am able to have strength for my friends to lean on. I work out and I am able to share with someone who needs a kindly word to not give up. I work out and I am able to look at myself through the eyes of my daughter who thinks I am beautiful. Not because I look like a model, but because I can laugh and giggle and smile and play with her. She had told me often “Mommy, I want to grow up to be just like you…a mommy AND a doctor…that helps big kids”. 🙂 I am not a doctor. But the fact that my daughter wants to be just like me…wow.
Suffice it to say that I am happy I started this fit challenge. It has helped me in more ways than just physically, it has helped me mentally too. Christ is working on me spiritually, but even that has been helped.
Thats all for now.