Archive by Author | Becky Jesse

Enough

Today an old ugly aquantaince came back into my life… the feeling of “not enough”-ness…

While watching a movie I saw a woman with a perfectly straight, beautiful, nose. Regal and proud it sat in the middle of her face…not too big, not too small, not off centered and definitely without any blemish.

For a split second I thought to myself “I wish I had her nose”. Then i recognized that thought for what it was…discontent.

I had to remind myself that I have enough.

Not that I am enough…but that I have enough- That I was made with a purpose and that those who love me can see past my imperfect, to me, nose and can see me for who I am. If they, or I, can only focus on comparing myself, or parts of my body, to others…then I have lost the bigger picture.

How can I show beauty… not in looks, but in words and deeds and in love? How can I turn something ugly, into something good? I am not sure that I have that capability, but I know the one who can turn ashes into beauty…its my job to remember and remind people of that.

If, I don’t show love…then it does not matter if I have flawless skin or the biggest muscles, or the best looking nose…it will all be pointless….

I am not sure where I am going with this post, but maybe it will encourage me, and hopefully others too, when feeling like what I have is not enough.

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Skin Care-Fit2b Girls Course

Today, my girls and I watched the skin care video in the Fashion and Beauty section of the new girls course that Fit2b put together.

It goes through and talks about something i hadn’t understood too much about-facial skin care.

In the video, Alice Behnke, Author, fashion consultant, and founder of Pick Pocket Molly, goes through what you need to do to take care of the skin that you’ve been blessed with. She touches on the subject if acne, teeth brushing (not skin per se but still important) and how to take care of the skin around your eyes.

I had to giggle when I was asking my girls “what did Ms Alice say we needed to do every day?” And Claire, my 5 year old, pipes up “wash our face day and night and make sure to moist our eyes!!!!” ….lol!!!! Alice said to make sure to “MOISTURIZE”. 😂😂😂

Tonight our nighttime routine included using our special cloths to wash our face, after, for the first time in a long time, my girls willingly drank their water to keep their skin soft!!!

Tomorrow we are taking a trip to the store to find some paraben free moisturizer… I am so excited to see how this helps them as the years go by. Its been fun too because we are learning at the same time which I think makes them a bit more receptive to it.

If you are curious about it, make sure you purchase the girl’s course from Fit2b while the price is set at $29, it won’t stay at this price forever.

I know when I go to purchase something, my thoughts run like this “am I really going to use that?”, “Where am I going to get the money for this?”, “How can I justify the cost of this?”…. here are MY answers to those questions.

1)Am I going to use this? A-YES!!!! I have 4 kids, 2 of which are going to a charter school 2 days a week, girl scouts, church 2 days a week and conferences with the teacher 1 day a week, a newborn and the many various appointments that come along with a newborn with issues….why do i tell you that? To let you know how easy it is to access and use the content of the course. I have incorporated the videos into our downtime after school. It’s short, sweet, to the point and yet there is more content that I can come back to as they get older that will have more relevance to them…like the makeup video. For my 7,5 and 3 year old, I am choosing to skip that portion for now until they start asking questions.

2) and 3)- when I am considering the cost of things, I try to break it down into monthly or weekly costs…$29 divided by 12 months is less than a cup of coffee per month…not per day, per MONTH. Also, the unlimited time frame to have access to the course…that is awesome too!!! If I pay for something, I want to have access to it when *I* want it…that means if I can access 9 of the videos and life happens…as it often does with 4 kids, and I can’t get back to it for a few months or a few days, I dont want to have to pay again to have access to something I already paid for! Can you tell I have experienced this before with other products. Fit2b is different and gets the plight of women, no…the plight of moms…no…the plight of PEOPLE. Life happens, and sometimes getting through content takes time. Having it set up this way ensures you can still get through the content on your own time. I love that!

*By clicking on and purchasing through one of the links I provide as an affiliate of Fit2b, they are kind enough to provide me with a small percentage of that sale, which then goes towards family fun and mommy sanity – i.e. coffee! Thankyou!*

Fit2b Girls Course Review 3

Today I did the female anatomy video with my girls…along with the printables that come with the Girls Course that Fit2b has thrown together. hahaha! There was nothing “thrown” about this course. There was research done, loads of people talked to, professional and non professionals alike; questions asked of “what would you like to see in a course for girls” that Beth and her band of merry men…erhm…people worked tirelessly on to bring something to the table that is new, not focused on just one thing, but the whole of what type of questions girls might have about their bodies. Including questions about what happens to their bodies during different changes in their life.

When I did this lesson with my own 3 girls, aged 7, 5 and 3 yrs old, some key words that came out were- “whoah! I didnt know that!” (About how long spines are and where they start and stop!)
Also- “I bet uncle Kevin’s spine is reallly long!!!” (he is 6’4, his spine is quite long, but so are his legs!!!)

The excitement that they had coloring the printable and asking questions about their own body was awesome!!!

Trying to find positive words about the femur/thigh area.. my girls looked at their own and started smacking their muscle there…and giggling! Saying “it wiggles like jello!” I said “thats a positive!!!” My girls responded with “it is?!” I told them “if you like Jell-O it is!” And one piped up “I do not hate it, I LOVE it!”…. ❤️❤️❤️ This. This right here is why I am so so so excited about the girls course that fit2b put out…because my girls are excited about what their bodies do!

Here is an up-close of what positives she wrote about her body:

The top is her head is hard…ahem..skull, but the former statement is correct too (anyone else have a hard headed offspring that is also a bit too much like them?!). The picture she drew was someone knocking on something hard.

2nd line: its bendy

3rd-protects the heart (a cage for the heart is what she called it)

4th- that is a picture of a baby coming down and through the pelvic bones…she was super excited to learn about the relaxin hormone that helps the pelvis open up so a baby could come through.

5th- infamous Jello!!!

We had to take a break after that for lunch, which gave me a good opportunity to read the material that is on the site to them…

To quote Beth from that Lesson “Every part on us and inside us has a job to do, and each part can affect the others around it.

This lesson really opened up a good discussion about our bodies and the different strengths our bodies are capable of.

I can’t wait to see what other dialogue this course will help open up for us!!!!

The first 100 people that order the course recieve a special goody too!!! Click on one of the links I provided to be taken to Fit2b site, look around, check out the blog and see what else might garner your interest. I am quite certain you will not leave unimpressed.

*By clicking on and purchasing through one of the links I provide as an affiliate of Fit2b, they are kind enough to provide me with a small percentage of that sale, which then goes towards family fun and mommy sanity – i.e. coffee! Thankyou!*

Fit2b Girls Course review- part 2!

Ok so for those of you who have daughters, or are in a girls life, or are helping with girls (girl scout leader anyone? Just me?) Or might potentially have any dealings where you are in a girls life and are a mentor, this course would be a blessing to have on hand.

Fit2b, an online fitness studio created by Beth Learn to reach people where they are, to give hope to those dealing with diastasis recti, has gotten together with professionals in different fields to create a course specifically for girls during the time of life when they will start to experience changes. I.e. pre-puberty and….mid-puberty and after puberty too.

They have input from a midwife who walks you through a first gyno exam, talking about what to expect and the lingo involved;

And

A fashionista who walks you through face care, makeup tips and how to find your own fashion and walk with confidence.

Being almost 35 years old, I learned things about face care and fashion that I just didnt know about!

Check it out and come back tomorrow to see what else you can learn about the girls course!

Or go to the link below to see what I had to say about the course yesterday:

Review part 1

*As an affiliate of Fit2b, by you clicking on, and purchasing through the links I provide, I receive a percentage of that sale. It then goes to provide self care and help for family outings…more specifically…. occasional coffees for mom to have energy. Thankyou!!!*

Fit2b Girls Course Review

I am a group of reviewers who are looking at the new Girls Course that Fit2b, an online fitness studio, has just put out.

Being the mom of 3 girls and having just gone through pregnancy #4 where my oldest attended the birth, this course came at the perfect time!!!

I have always been open with the girls about what goes on in our bodies, especially since I have 3 girls and one bathroom…there is no privacy in our house. Which is great for teachable moments…just not always great when I would like a few solitary moments to myself to pee in silence.

Since learning of baby #4 for our family, my girls have been super curious about all things related to baby, including asking questions about my changing body.

Sometimes the questions come in the shape of “when am I going to look like that?” Or “when will my body get that”? Or “How will the baby get from your tummy to our house”? Or variations of all of those.

When Beth Learn, founder and creator of Fit2b studios mentioned that they were talking about a girls course that would cover changes to a womans body during puberty, more than just the basic “your body will change and there will be a period because your eggs that get released during ovulation have not been fertilized yet” (to paraphrase my own first inept attempt to explain something to a 5 yr old when asked about periods and babies when my first child noticed it)…she threw a whole bunch of stuff into the course; correct anatomy drawings, explanations of different menstrual products and HOW they are used, she threw in why different parts ache during different parts of the month, and also covered what would happen during a gyno exam. I am so excited to have a resource that speaks to girls and women in language that is easy to understand and also easy for me to jump around in. If I am not ready to cover a certain topic, I just jump to a different one in the course because each is set to work together with the whole course, but not set up so that you can’t view one part without having to view the whole thing. The sections are independent of each other.

The other thing that excites me about this is the printables!!!! I love, love, love (!) finding resources that allow me to print things off to correspond with whatever subject I happen to be teaching at the time.

One of my favorite ones that I printed off 4 copies of, one for the 7 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old and myself, is a picture of a human skeleton. On it are lines on each side of the body. On the left are fill in the blanks “the word for this part of the body starts with a C (or f, or s, etc)”. Then on the right side of the skeleton are the words “fill in a positive word about your body that starts with the same letter (s or t or f, etc)”.

This is changing the language for women! If I can teach my children to have body positive language about their bodies, that will just help them to have the mindset of their bodies being an awesome gift!!! Too often I see women that shame their own bodies, myself included at times, instead of being grateful and recognizing my body for the awesome things it can do!

I was so excited recently when we were at our local hardware store and my kids saw the skeletons put up for Halloween decor… Claire (5), said to Sarah (7) “thats so creepy! Look at that!” Sarah responded “thats not scary! Those are just what the bones look like inside of your body…why would they put that up if they are trying to scare people?! Hahahaha!”

I may or may not have done a huge fist pump in the air followed along with a “Yessssss!” When I overheard that. Already, the language is being changed. I am hopeful that this course will also end with my girls being able to say of their own bodies “I am not scared of that.. that just means x,y,z” when changes occur. The language will change when the knowledge changes… Can’t wait to find out more about the course!!!

For more information about Fit2b, feel free to click on the affiliate link below.

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If you are interested in the girls course specifically, click HERE.

Little spoiler alert for you: this is the best price for the course! $29.99 for unlimited access to the girls course!!! Get it now while the price is this low!!!

Come back tomorrow for review #2 of the Fit2b Girls Course!

*As an affiliate of Fit2b, by you clicking on the link I provide and buying the content on the site, I get a little percentage of that sale. That then goes towards family fun, and self care for momma..i.e. occasional coffees! Thankyou!*

Beauty from Ashes #2

This is what beauty looks like sometimes.

This is a picture of my husband walking away from me, towards our house, with our 2 week old son and our girls inside.

My husband called up a local air bnb and told them about my struggle with postpartum depression and anxiety and how I haven’t gotten a single nights sleep since before our baby was born….or after. He worked out a deal with them for me to stay the night there. A nice house, somewhere close to home so if things weren’t as they seemed, or if my anxiety took over, I could drive home if need be.

Then he told me, after a girls day out (that he also worked out with a dear friend of mine), that I was going to be sleeping elsewhere that night. He would set an alarm to feed Nathan, I could take the pump with me, but I was in no way to set an alarm and that I was to get rest.

This was so hard for me to do but the doctor prescribed it and my husband followed through with it.

We can’t afford this, we put it on a credit card, what we can’t afford even more is for me to have an even worse mental breakdown dealing with the lack of sleep on top of the depression and the anxiety.

I got a blessed 9 hours of sleep and am pretty sure I didn’t move a single bit from the time my head hit the pillow until I woke the next morning.

I woke up to pump milk and went back to sleep for another 2 hours.

I woke up still tired, but I got more REST in that single night than I had in the past 2 weeks.

I needed that rest because so often I feel like a pile of ashes…..burnt out and sitting in a pile in a hearth, waiting to be stirred into a burning fire again.

Not because of the people I’m around using me and discarding me, but because this is just a side effect of how my depression and anxiety manifests itself.

Despite all of that…there is beauty.

I got sent away from my home, from my family, and from my bed….not because of hate, or strife, or anything like that, but because of the love a man has for his hurting and aching wife. My husband wanted to ensure that I finish the week off with a semblance of rest and a reminder of what I can feel like when I get it. This. This is beautiful. This is beauty.

This is a representation of what I felt like when I woke up and saw myself in the mirror the next morning.

I was able to see a glimpse of the woman I am. The woman that is NOT defined by the depression. The woman who is able to see hope.

My friend, Adam Nettesheim drew this picture (to see 2 other versions of this print and to order a copy for yourself, please click on the link embedded in his name. This is NOT an affiliate post…my friend is just super talented and does amazing work!), and while its a picture he did to help support the cause of bringing awareness to sex trafficking that is so prevelant in our society, it rang a bell with me, before I ever even knew the reason behind the drawing.

For me, the picture resonates truth. As a woman who sometimes feels broken down by lies and by shame and falling into despair and dealing with the lies that depression and anxiety brings that tells you you are never good enough, never wanted enough and never enough to be desired. Let alone desired by a king. It represents the inner struggle to see as you truly are. And the truth of the matter that God takes our broken parts and covers over it all with a blanket of love that sees past the hurt and confusion and despair and brings forth hope.

Sometimes he uses husbands to do that.

This is a glimpse into the put together me. Look! I have on clean clothes, comfy shoes, and even jewelry and my hair is brushed…but that man? The man beside me with an awesome beard? He’s beautiful. Inside and out. Last night, he was definitely the one to point out the beauty, that God brings from ashes, to me…thankyou God for this man.

(Beauty from)Ashes #1

This is a hard one to write. It has been a long time coming.

The words and thoughts rattle around in my head like hamsters running on a rusty exercise ball…sometimes there is a smooth spot and sometimes it’s a laborious process that I have to work and work and work to get through the tight rusted together spots…

For the past 6 months or so I have been seeing a therapist. Not physical, not occupational, but as I described it to my 5 year old daughter: a mind doctor.

I started going because I was still dealing with depression that I have dealt with from past births, (see post #1, #2 and #3, also related) also PTSD from the car accident I was in 15 years ago.

My body has finally started healing from it, I figured it was time to start healing my mind too.

Sigh. This is where it gets tough.

Going through therapy I have learned a few things…mostly about myself and how to deal with things that trigger my anxiety and PTSD.

Some of those triggers happen out of nowhere…like on a trip to a ladies retreat 2 years ago with my baby sister (who is in her 20’s btw…not a baby) and having a panic attack out of nowhere because I couldn’t see the lines that were on the side of the road. Commence a tense conversation that ended in tears because I was reliving when I was hit head on. Now mind you, my sister was being the picture perfect driver, no swerving, no veering…no…nothing. I had to explain that I still get panic attacks when my husband, whom I trust with not only my life, but the life of my children with, is driving. My sister, who is no stranger to PTSD or trauma or anxiety, understood where I was coming from and got that there was nothing I could do to avoid those triggers and it had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with how my body and mind process the information coming in. Once the episode was over and we were seated talking and crying and comforting (she was comforting, I was mostly just blubbering), and I was able to remind myself that I was safe, we were able to move on.

The more I go to therapy, the more I am coming to realize that the triggers can come and go and they are not always the same…there are a few that are, but often they are disjointed, seemingly unconnected and they come out of nowhere. Unbidden. Unwanted. Flashes of memory that send my mind into a whirl, my body trying to grasp at the fleeting bits of air that are getting sucked out of the space I am in (it could be indoors, outdoors…it doesn’t matter and doesn’t make logical sense), and makes my jaw clench, my hands ball up into fists and sends my heart pounding and racing.

I get into these fight or flight modes that often I don’t realize until after the episode the reason of why it happened…and it leaves me feeling…stressed. Angry. Hurt. Vulnerable. And scared.

Because of those feelings that come up, and I am still learning to recognize them for what they are, the feelings overflow from my mind into anger. Anger at the kids making noise. Anger at Cris sitting in the wrong seat. Anger at the fact that a dish I dirtied is not magically clean…down deep it is actually Anger at the fact that I am scared. That is what is at the heart of it. Fear. Fear that I will be a hurt, broken bodied 19 year old stuck in the hospital again having to relearn how to walk, write and use the bathroom again.

Fear. An ugly 4 lettered word. Depression grabs hold of that word and fills it out…puts flesh on the bones of the word and knows how to work it’s way insiduously through the rooms of my mind, slowly filling up every area until I feel stuck being overcome by the FEAR. Fear that I am not good enough. Fear that I am not loved. Fear that because I have a broken body, I am not up to the task of leading my kids anywhere. Fear that I am not whole. Fear that I will be stuck in the dark hole of depression forever and never be able to find my way out. Fear that because I have experienced brokenness that that is all anyone can see and that means that I am not worthy.

Worthy of what? Worthy of beauty. Worthy of goodness. Worthy of Grace or of Mercy.

More coming later….