Archive by Author | Becky Jesse

Things we don’t talk about….

So the other day I was thinking of all the things that  AREN’T talked about in polite company.

Things like Post Partum Depression, anger issues we have, sin issues we deal with, bathroom habits, and more.

I would like to address a few of those in this post.

I went to a fundraising banquet last night for our local pregnancy center last night and they were addressing the issue of what they do and why they need help. They try to offer hope and healing and help for those that come into their place. From free pregnancy tests, to counseling, to clothing that is much needed when you have a baby and have nowhere else to turn to. There is aLOT more that they do too. Sometimes they help people who don’t even know they need it.

I was one of those that needed help and didn’t even realize it.

Let me share with you:
After I had Claire, I remember hardly anything of the first 3 months of her life. I was SO tired because she had severe acid reflux that would come up her esophagus and choke her so she would quit breathing, often for long periods of time until I picked her up, or moved her or blew on her face, or whatever the many other tricks were that I learned to do during that time…it went undiagnosed UNTIL she was 3 months old. I don;t remember getting any sleep longer than an hour at a time during those first 3 months… she also had jaundice, hip dysplasia and crossed eyes.

Add another child to a mix of any number and usually you are tired for the first few weeks until you get a habit down…add the mix this kid brought to play with another child who also needed attention and it was a case for disaster. I don’t remember reveling in the newness of this new life, I don’t remember being happy, I just remember bone weary exhaustion.

I remember when I went to the dr’s and they ask you to fill out those survey things the question always came up “do you want to hurt yourself or your child” and I remember thinking…this is a STUPID question! no, I don’t want to hurt them. I just want them to shut up and stop crying and stop being kids for 2 hours so I can get rest. Stop needing me.  Stop crying…stop stop stop!

Little did I know that this was the beginning of post partum depression. I was not sad, I was not suicidal, I was not angry…I was just…not me.

Now alot of you might be thinking “well if she only had a good support group in place, this would not have happened”…I think I have THE best support group in the world. My husband is an AWESOME support and encourager, my family lives very close by, my mom and 2 sisters are some of the best helpers in the world, my sister in law who is also my best friend lives 3 blocks away from me, I have a great, caring, loving church family, and my inlaws came down for the first week of the babys life to help out, and not the least, I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am a wide eyed sanctified, blood bought, spirit taught, bible quoting, scripture toting, born again christian.  (that is a quote from a t-shirt from back in the 80’s…but I loved it then and it popped into my head!).

So it is NOT that I didn’t have spiritual/physical support either.

The problem is NOT whether you have a great support group or not…the problem was I did not know what to say to people other than “i’m tired…so very tired”… and that is NORMAL for a momma with a new baby.  I didn’t know how to voice what was going on in my head and my heart to those that I had been so recently gushing to about how excited I was for this new life that we planned on having, that we looked forward to having for so long and now…now I was not so sure I could handle being her momma. Let alone just BEING.

I remember going to the local pregnancy center and walking in and just sitting the baby down, letting Sarah play and just sitting and crying.  The kind lady (who is now a friend) asked me if I wanted to watch the video on “the baby blues”…I just laughed and I thought “here goes another one asking me if I want to kill myself! I DON’T! why won’t they get it?!”…but all I SAID was ..sure. whatever.

After watching the video and recognizing so many of the symptoms as what *I* was dealing with, I sobbed some more and I thought “How can I be a good momma if I am depressed?! Aren’t I supposed to be leaping for joy that I just brought another life into the world when so many have miscarriages or just ACHE to hold a baby? How can I be a good mom if I feel this way?”… the kind lady offered to pray with me and just sat and listened to me cry and then suggested that I talk with someone. My preacher, a friend or my doctor.

There was NO way I was going to say any of this to my friends and family…or even to my could I? They would think I was nuts! (this btw, is NOT true I have learned…well..they DO think I am nuts but not for this!) so the next dr’s appt I mentioned to my dr’ what I was dealing with and she said she thought I was dealing with PPD too. She gave me some info on the baby blues connection, a phone number that you can call and just talk to someone. just tell them and they say “thats ok…this is normal. you are NOT crazy for feeling this way.”…they also offer support and guidance on WHAT to do…how to get through JUST that minute. or hour. or day. or week.

After that, I mentioned it to my husband and my close friends and close family.  I did not share it with the world, there was NO way I was ever going to blog about it.

Why am I talking about this when the blogs I have recently been doing have been talking about The Tummy Team and the program I have been doing? Why did I bring up sin, anger, etc… because I think aLOT if not ALL of it is all connected.

I just recently had a conversation with my midwife about how so many things are connected.  I learned this while in rehab from a car accident years ago. I tried to wiggle my toes and my pelvis hurt. I tried to lift my arms and my pelvis hurt…EVERYTHING was connected.

Its not JUST the physical though. How many times have we seen our kids try to lie to us (when it is not the norm) and we see their “tell”…the twitch in their face or the eyes look away when they lie or the mouth quirks up just so, letting us as parents know that our kid is lying. Its because it is ALL CONNECTED.

Their conscious minds are making connections and their physical bodies are portraying what those connections are… its ALL connected.

My post partum depression was connected to lack of sleep…that is what set it off…(I am not saying well rested people can not be depressed, sometimes that happens too). That set off a chain of events that led my physical body to portray what my mind and heart were going through.

The same thing happens when sin comes into play…lets look at say…rage. When someone gets the feeling of rage, is it just an emotional only response? no. its physical too. Their blood starts pumping, their heart starts pounding, sometimes a vein pops out that is warning signs and then the anger spills from our hearts into our mouths and we do a verbal vomiting at whomever we are angry at…or whomever is closest sometimes.

I struggle with this too! Yes, I am a christian and I struggle with rage and anger.

THAT was hard to share. Sharing about PPD is hard to share. But why do I do it? Why did I write a post about “Bathroom” issues (that, too, was hard to share)? Here is why. Sometimes if we don’t share, people don’t see the real us. They don’t see that sometimes we too are hurting, human beings in need of help from our Savior, and also in need of help from the people he has put here on this earth! We like to be all tough and have this persona of “I can handle ANYTHING that comes my way… I am SUPERMOM…or SUPER WIFE…or SUPER CHRISTIAN” or really any form of Super that we can think of. We want others to think of us as the best.

I get that, I really do. I do NOT like it when my worst day is mixed with others seeing me at my worst…but sometimes its a relief. Its a sigh of “oh good..I can stop pretending in front of you that I have a handle and a grasp on EVERY. SINGLE. aspect of my life and I can go from that to asking for advice, or asking a friend to pray with me or to check in on me after I have a baby to make sure I am doing ok.

I think we, as christians, as HUMANS, need to start opening up with each other. Sharing our burdens with each other so we don’t get bogged down. I know when I have opened up and shared with others my physical struggles, but also my emotional struggles, what I find is that…. I am not alone. I am not the only one dealing with this (whatever THIS may be) and the other person was just DYING for someone to say something first.

So here you go, I am saying something first.

I have been through the battle of Post Partum Depression, I am on the other side and Lord Willing, I will not have to go through it again. But this time I am going to be prepared in case I do. I am working my way through helping my body to understand how it all works together, I am helping my body to understand how best to function in every day life so I have less physical pain. I am learning how to rehabilitate my mind to a different way of thinking so I don’t fall into the temptation of rage, or of some other sin. I am learning to be PRO-active in stead of RE-active. I am planning ahead (hence the study on anger, and talking about PPD and learning how to work with my body).  Part of all that learning is WITH the Tummy Team and Kelly Dean and all the work they do.  Part of that is with Fit2B studios and the caring love that has been shown to me there (Thank you Beth!)…part of that is with my weekly biblical based study on how to handle anger in a godly way with my girlfriends…part of that is with being open with my husband when I am struggling and ASKING for help and knowing that ITS ok to ask for help. It does NOT make you less of a super mom, super wife, super christian, or super _______  (fill in the blank)…it makes you a better one. When you ask for help, more often than not…you will get it. Please do not get me wrong. I think the ultimate source of all wisdom is God and his word, you will be AMAZED at the answers you find there for the help that you need, and often when I find myself getting angry or down in the dumps, if I start reading Gods word, it helps lift me up and out. Sometimes when I was going through my struggles however… I could not find my bible, let alone find my way to what I was supposed to do with what I had just read…want to know why? Because: I.Did.Not.Ask.For.HELP. Simple right? sooooooooo not simple though. Again, learning to be PRO-Active instead of RE-Active. I am learning that with my mind AND with my body.

If you  need help or just want to talk to someone about Post Partum Depression, or having anger issues, or having pain in your belly or back or sciatica or something doesn’t feel right. Feel free to talk to me. I am more than willing to talk or to pray for you or to help you if I can. I know about PPD and bathroom issues, and anger issues…those I can help with, because I have been there… If you are wanting someone to help you with pain in your belly, back, sciatica, etc…talk to the folks over at The Tummy Team, and check out Fit2B Studios because they have been there. Don’t be Re-active…be Pro-Active.

Thanks for sharing my thoughts.

Share yours with me in the comment section.



Installment 3-Tummy Team week 2- The journey continues

Here I am at the beginning of week 2 on my journey with The Tummy Team‘s prenatal program.

If you are just checking out my blog and my journey, make sure to check out the Preview, Week 1, and installment 2 to see what you’ve been missing. 🙂

I have learned so much just in the first week and it feels like at times I have it ALL… and then I remember what I was like at the beginning (see week 1) and I thought “oh yeah I got this!” I am learning to be less “Gung ho- lets move forward regardless of how much I know” and becoming more like “lets sit back a minute and make sure we are doing this RIGHT”.

Kelly, founder and star of the tummy team video’s just answered a few questions I had today and what she said at the end really struck a chord with me… she said “Remember, MORE is not better…better is better.” (emphasis mine). WOW. This is eerily similar to what I have mentioned before in my previous posts (preview, week 1, installment 2) that I have said to my piano students. I tell them “practice does NOT make perfect…perfect practice makes perfect”. I guess it is true in more aspects of life than just music!

I am really looking forward to this week as I have already noticed some improved areas of my life that going through this program has helped with.

For some of you, the rest of this blog might be TMI…if bathroom talk makes you squeamish, then maybe this blog post is not for you.


One of the areas that I have noticed improvement on is how much easier it is to go to the bathroom. This is something that we do every day…usually multiple times a day. I am not talking about peeing, I am talking about pooping… (and side note, when you have kids, its amazing the conversations you have with your husband… it goes from the embarassed laugh and giggle when you toot in front of your spouse to… “Oh honey! Did I tell you what color ——- (insert child’s name here)’s poop was today? it was REALLY weird..should we take her in?”..yeah. fun conversations. )
When you are having regular bowel movements, that is GOOD for your body, good for your mood, good for your mental and physical health. Thats the way God made the body. We eat the food, our body processes it, and then whatever is leftover gets expelled from our body in the form of poop.

When you are using the wrong method to “help” expell brings on a whole load of other problems. From hemorrhoids, to diverticulitis, to worse prolapse and prostrate problems, and a whole slew of other things.

The nice thing about this program is that it helps to get things moving and get them moving in the right direction.

Again, this might seem silly to some of you that I am writing a whole blog about using the bathroom, but I think so many people don’t talk about this and so the problems continue and continue to get WORSE not better.

This is very difficult for me to write…but things need to change. And I have dealt with what I used to (not-so-)fondly call “tummy troubles” for as long as I can remember. Part of it had to do with being Lactose Intolerant, being diagnosed with IBS when in reality it was Gluten Intolerance, and a whole slew of problems that are brought on by being pregnant.

I remember when Cris and I first got married and I would be crying in pain so bad and trying to be quiet whenever I would have an attack on my intestines where everything that I had eaten over the past week, or day, or 5 hours would try to get out however it could…and then try to come out of the bathroom and just play it off like it was nothing unusual. It was so hard to not be sobbing in pain…and often I failed to quiet the sobs and crying out to God to make it stop.  That’s when we thought it was the medicine I was on…tried getting rid of that..and that would help for a bit. then I tried staying away from dairy in any form, (butter and cheese, is all that I was using)…aGAIN..and that would help for a bit…(a bit = 1-2 days)…I look back on the days that I dealt with that and a part of me is frustrated that it (gluten intolerance) was not diagnosed earlier. I could have spent the last 17 years in so much less pain and so much less time spent trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.

Having finally gotten my diet under control, I thought that would fix everything and for the most part, it has. I can count on 1 hand the times I have had an attack in the past year…before going GF, I would not have even been able to tell you how many times my body was attacked in the last week because the number would have been too high.

Doing this tummy program has helped so much though in understanding more about how the body works, why I have had pain the in the past and helping me and my pregnant body and belly to all work together so that the progress I have made with being GF does not go to “waste”… haha…get it…bathroom blog…talking about waste?! sigh. Sometimes I only make myself laugh. 🙂

Alright folks, here’s the gist of it…if you are dealing with 1)diahrea, 2)constipation, 3)hemorrhoids, or other issues that arise either WITH those things, or BECAUSE of those things or those things are side effects of other things (think hernia’s, diastasis recti, prolapse, etc), then maybe you should look into the Tummy Team’s Site. Call up Kelly Dean, TALK with her or one of her helpful associates and see what they have to say. If you decide to do the program, there are two options: you can go into the store which is located in Camas, Washington (think close to Vancouver, WA people), or the online programs. If you choose the online path, right now until this friday, you can enter this code “JESSEBECKY” (no quote marks) at check out to receive 25% off the price of the program. Kelly is a licensed PT and it not out to make people hurt, or to make people think this is a “quick fix”….its a lifestyle change and its not just workouts. Its REHABILITATION for your life and the muscle you use the most often. Your core.

I will update you all on how I am doing later on this week. I have found that the workouts are DEFINITELY doing their job. She said I would feel the different muscles along my back, my tummy, and the sides of my stomach…its ALL true! I am so excited to see how doing this program works out at the end of my pregnancy during labor and delivery. I have only about 11 more weeks left, so I am starting to think that much more about how I want this delivery to go down and doing what I can to get my body to at least function in the right way to do what I can do for my body and baby if things go according to plan.

Alright people, that’s it for today. Let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading mine (especially on this post!)

Prenatal Journey part 2… Tummy Team core training

Hey all,

I just wanted to give a little more insight into my journey through The Tummy Teams prenatal program that I am doing.

One of the things that has stuck out to me has been the pain. Not the pain of doing the exercises, they ARE harder to do than I thought at first… to be quite honest I thought, How hard can it be to bring your belly in while you breathe out? I already do that as part of my fitness routine with Fit2B studios, Phsaaaaw I GOT this.

uhm yeah. I stand, actually I am sitting, before you quite humbled and eating my words. This stuff is WORK! Trying to breathe out, while sucking my tummy in, while not engaging any other muscles that are trying to compensate for my lack of strength in my core.. wow. You know how many times I have had to STOP and start over again, doing it correctly? I did not realize that I have been doing it wrong this whole time! sigh. That’s alright, I am NOT giving up on this.

This is tough work because…well…its work! lol Work is tough, but that does not mean that we give up on it. It means we just keep working. I tell my piano students “Practice does NOT make perfect. Practice just makes permanent… PERFECT practice makes perfect”. Saying it to myself, I now know why my students dislike that saying so much! Its because its true and it does not allow for any excuses.

During one of the videos, Kelly asks us to write down some of the symptoms we have been experiencing, and any pain we might be dealing with. I thought…oh this will be really quick! I am pregnant so that is a symptom and…that was all I could think of!

Until I started writing..then I remembered I am dealing with this pain…and that pain, and oh yeah, that other pain! Kelly, founder of The Tummy Team, said that alot of time people come in and say “I have a high tolerance for pain” and what that really tells her is that they have pain that they have been dealing with for a long time.

That is me. I would not say I have a high tolerance for pain, I utterly DISLIKE pain…but I would say that I have been dealing with pain for a long time.

As I was thinking about this blog the other day, it made me think about after I relearned how to walk. A day stands out in my memory of me and my best friend getting ready to go somewhere and I asked her “do I look normal”…knowing all of the stuff I had been through, she knew that I was NOT talking about my lack of style. I was talking about
“do I look like I still need to bring the wheelchair in case this trip is too much?” I remember her telling me that it looked like my hips were weird. Like I was sticking my pelvis out…as I had to do during rehab because I had to hold onto the parallel bars (hard to do with one arm in a cast still), take a shaky step forward with teh PT stood behind me holding onto the gait belt wrapped around my waist in case my legs gave out…which they often did. usually after 1 step until my muscles started remembering what they were meant to do, and HOW to do it. I remember how excited I was when I walked the whole length of the parallel bars…maybe a total of 5 feet, and crying my eyeballs out and looking up and seeing my moms excited face because I had done it!!! I walked again! THAT was painful and tough work.  THESE exercises are tough work. Not painful. but it brings back so many memories of pain and what my body has gone through. It also made me think “How has relearning how to walk affected my core for the worse?”  Did I inadvertently learn something back then that has been affecting my body now?

In another one of the prenatal core training videos, from The Tummy Team, Kelly talks about our emotions affecting us and to have loving thoughts towards our core. I do not think that I have had “hateful” thoughts toward my core Per Se, but I did not realize how many emotions that going through this program would bring to the surface.


The reason my best friend, Cassie, knew what I was talking about when I asked her about “normal” was from the fact that the accident I was in happened on her wedding day…and she, along with a whole boatload of other people, were my support group and went through my healing journey with me. Anyone else and they probably would have answered very cautiously with a “what is normal?” She knew what I was talking about though. I was to be her maid of honor. Suffice it to say that didn’t happen and I missed one of the most important days of my best friends life…the day she got married to her other best friend, which also happens to be my big brother… no guilt there or anything (yes, that was sarcasm.) I do feel guilt over the whole thing. Even though the accident was not my fault, I still grieve over the fact that I missed being there and going through that joyous time with her and instead of emotions flowing freely at the wedding, no one was able to cry because they were concerned that if they did let tears flow that they would not be able to stop them because they were concerned about how I was doing. Instead of focusing on pre-wedding jitters and us nervously laughing about the honeymoon and enjoying pictures being taken of all of us in our wedding finery…Cassie, my best friend, was left at the church building waiting for Kevin to get back to the church building after coming to the ER to check on me and see how I was doing (I remember vaguely seeing him in between one of the procedures they did on me that night..from trying to set my broken wrist (they later had to redo it and put screws and plates in my wrist), popping my hip back into socket, putting a screw into my sacrum to hold it together, to putting an external fixator into my pelvis because it was broken on both sides). The wedding was an hour late due to that fact, but everyone understood thankfully and they still had a big attendance…but it was NOT the day of their dreams, or of mine.

So as I said in the beginning of this post, the thing that has stood out to me about this program has been the pain. The physical pain that my body has been holding onto for quite some time, alot of it, I am sure, after-effects of the car accident, but also the pain that my emotions bring to the forefront while working to strengthen my core and remembering everything that is has been through.

I am not letting it stop me from continuing this journey…because in a way, dealing with the various pains is a type of healing too.

If you would like to heal your core, and maybe some emotions along with it, take a look at The Tummy Teams Site and make sure to use the code “JESSEBECKY” (no quote marks) during check out to receive 25% off of the price of the program.  Only good for the next week and a half people so make sure to take advantage of it!

Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading mine.

Tummy Team week 1

Here I am already on week 1 of my prenatal training and rehab for my mommy belly.

The goal of all of this to engage my body to awareness. Oh wow I just sounded like a yoga master or something…I am not talking about “reaching awareness of the Divine”, I already have that with my relationship with Jesus Christ when I decided to become a christian and be baptized for the forgiveness of my sins…which were many (and sometimes I still struggle with them)…being a christian is not easy…its not a “fix”, or a crutch…being a christian is a DAILY commitment to trying to be more like Christ, and trying to become more of who he wants me to be…asking for forgiveness of when I’ve done wrong, striving to please God in my actions and thoughts and trying to tell others about Him…now that I think about it…I guess doing this program is alot like being a christian. PLEASE do not misunderstand me people. I am not elevating the Tummy Team to the level of God…but I am saying that I see alot of similarities between the program and my walk with Christ.

Its a daily thing. Its not a “fix”, like a drug is a fix, and its not a crutch. Its a lifestyle change. Its something that I am trying to do DAILY and bring more awareness (there’s that word!) to my muscles and doing what they are supposed to do.

I have learned so much about what muscles there even ARE in my body that I didn’t know about! Everyone talks about “the 6 pack”, or “ripped abs”…well after doing just a few exercises that the Tummy Team has prescribed and understanding and looking at the anatomy, I understand more why they are called “ripped abs”!

There is a difference between doing “a” workout during the day, and working “through out” the day. Trust me, I have found the difference.

The “exercises” that Kelly at the Tummy Team puts me through are not something that is “one and done”…its something that you incorporate into your every day life. Her phrase that I have noticed alot, and I agree with, is “Our bodies are more of a ‘Use it or Lose it’ system”…that is, you either USE the muscle that you have, or you LOSE it…not that its gone for ever (thankfully!!!), but that it atrophies over time.

I am well aware of the Use it or Lose it system our bodies have.

After my car accident years ago, I was bedridden for about 2 months while I was in the hospital and in rehab, relearning how to walk again, use the bathroom again, put my socks on again… yeah. Fun times. I remember being proud of the muscles in my legs, and I still remember the day I looked down and was aware of my body (I was PRETTY doped up on some heavy narcotics to cut the pain of bone grinding against bone with my pelvis being broken on both sides) and I remember crying because my legs looked so tiny. I still technically HAD muscles there…but they were so weak and so tiny from disuse that it took quite awhile before I gained any muscle mass back at all. Or any mass for that matter.

It did not surprise me then to find Kelly of The Tummy Team ,talking about muscle atrophy…in our tummies.

What DID surprise me though, and this is probably repeat for alot of you that I have personally talked to, is how MUCH our tummy muscles do for us.
Did you know, and these might be a no brainer, that your tummy muscles are used for 1)using the bathroom 2)having babies 3)how we sit and stand 4)helping us get up out of bed 5)helping us carry in the groceries 6)help us carry in the sleeping kids from the car…just to name a few.


I am going to post later on this week some more about what my goals and expectations are for this program.

If you are interested in joining me, there is a promo code that you can use that Kelly set up for me. Its only good for the next 2 weeks so PLEASE check out the program, take a look and see if its something that can help you. Man or woman, I bet  you can find a way for this to help you…especially if you deal with any of the symptoms listed on the home page of the Tummy Team’s site.

Oh and if you DO sign up for the program in the next 2 weeks, make sure to enter the code that gives you 25% off the program!  The code you enter at check out is “JESSEBECKY”, no quotes.

Let me know your thoughts. 🙂

Becoming a “navel gazer”….

You might be wondering what I mean by the title of this blog. Usually Navel Gazer means someone who is focused solely on themselves…or is all about themselves. While that CAN be true of me at times, this is not what I am talking about. At least, well..maybe…I AM writing a blog about myself so…whatever! just read the blog.

So for the past 3 years or so I have been part of an online fitness community called Fit2B. I originally found interest in it because a childhood friend of mine started it, and I found the idea of an online fitness studio that was family friendly, centered on healing womens bodies, affordable, and doable from my living room, all VERY appealing. In the past 3 years, I have come to enjoy it for its OWN benefits. It is super nice to be able to stay in touch with someone from the past, but beyond that, doing these workouts have helped my broken body (anyone remember what I call “My car accident” about 12 years ago? yeah, still dealing with issues from that), it has helped my at times broken mind, (post partum depression can really work a number on someone) and at other times my broken heart. Too many stories to recount here. And some too personal to even share on a blog.

How can a “fitness” studio do all that you might ask?
Bear with me and I will walk you through a life in the day of a Fit2B-er.
I get up and get the girls ready for the day, that involves diaper changing, carrying a 20 lber, sometimes carrying a 40 lber kid (sometimes both at once!), all while being 6 months pregnant. I get them settled, me settled, and then pain. My hip aches, my back aches…at times my tummy muscles ache… I think… what did I do? Did I pick the girls up wrong? was it BECAUSE I picked the girls up?
Then I look out the window at the cloudy grey skies and I remember. Oh yeah…the weather is changing. Well, at least its not because I DID anything wrong…should I go for the tylenol and the heating pad? The girls are getting restless at this point and I remember. Oh yeah! Maybe I should do my workouts! That has ALWAYS helped to alleviate the stress and the pain from different aches and pains that occur when the pressure drops or rises.

I start a video… the girls are clambering all over to be heard… “Bitty bellies”! “NO! I want Robot Yoga!” “Ob-ot-goga!” “Funny face fitness”! This is how I get the girls attention… I show them the kids video and tell them…Mommy gets a workout in FIRST then I will put on whatever workout you guys want to do. (smart mommy, right?! riiiiiiiiiiiight)

I load up the queue of the different pathways on the Roku Channel that the studio has…lets see…do I want to do a pregnancy related one, a stretching one, a Chair Blend one? Oooh! I see a new one by Kelly Dean! She’s the “new lady on the block” is how I think of her. In actuality she has been working with Beth Learn, the founder of Fit2B studios for quite some time. Kelly Dean is the founder of a different type of website, equally as helpful, but in a rehab sort of way called The Tummy Team.

Back to the workout…oh! its title is “Pregnancy Stretching”..this is the one that the online Facebook community has been lovingly calling the “prego stretcho” video. I load it up, get set up and for the next 10 minutes or so, I get relief. Sigh. The tears start to flow as I do a stretch that allows the tight muscles around the location of the screw that is in my sacrum to actually release. The constant steady, unexplainable ache that has been building up for the past 3 sunny days has now been alleviated. I don’t know why I don’t remember the screw there until the weather changes..but I forgot that the pressure is constantly changing in the Pacific Northwest. So even on sunny days, often there will be an ache. Its chronic, meaning I deal with it ALL the time. Some days the degree of pain is less, some days its more. On those days when I am able to get a workout in, it is DEFINITELY less. 10 minutes of my day (or more if I want it) for less aching and pain-ing and whining? (that would be ME doing the whining…not the kids this time). Yeah, I would say its worth it.

Is that it though?

Nope, from there I go online to the FB community that is part of Fit2b, or to the new forums that are part of the members privaleges on the site and I share my accomplishment for the day. Once I hit the enter button, almost IMMEDIATELY there is someone responding with a “good job!” “Way to go” or some other sort of accolade…for 10 minutes? You better believe it! Most of these ladies know what its like to try to carve out 10 minutes just to focus on getting yourself healthy while also focusing on the housework, the childwork, the work outside of the home-work, the homework, whatever the work is. These ladies offer support. From there, the conversation goes on into other subjects. From the light “how was your day?” to the more deeper stuff of “I’m sorry for the loss of your baby”… the community that one (the one in this instance being ME) finds is astounding at times. Some people have gone on there to vent about inlaws coming in, sick children or spouses, or frustrating days with the kids. During ALL of this, support is offered.

You might call Fit2B, a gateway drug.

We all start out doing the workouts because we want something….different. We are looking for something 1) affordable, 2) doable, 3) approachable, and probably the one that is most important and keeps people coming back for more…4) real.

The leader of our motley workout crew is always keeping it real, from letting us know when she loses it and yells at her kids to telling us about the exhausting night of birthing baby goats on her little farm! (cuuuuuuutest little kid I’ve ever seen by the way…get it…kid..goat…ah hahaha. I crack myself up sometimes)

Ahem. Anywhooooo

People have gotten involved in the workouts with something called a Mommy tummy…for those of you who have this, you know what it is. If you don’t have it, you might now know. You don’t have to be a Mom to have a mommy tummy…or even a woman to have a “mommy tummy” for that sake!  Alot of people that have that extra pooch of belly, sometimes just hanging around. and they can’t. get. No matter how many crunches, or sit ups or planks that they do, it still hangs around.
Turns out this little pooch is from whats called a Diastasis Recti…its a real thing, and really hard to say. lol

A DR (as its affectionately called) is a separation of the muscles in your tummy, your abs and the lining in between the muscles..often thinning out and separating to the point of some people can get a whole fist in between the transverse abdominal muscles…this is NOT the way the body was meant to be people. People who have this often suffer from urinary incontinence, (have to cross your legs when you sneeze anyone? just because?!), what is called prolapse, muscle aches and strains and more…and it can NOT be fixed by just doing nothing. Its not going to go away on its own people. There is work involved. PLEASE check it out (you can do that by clicking on the DR link, or the diastasis recti link…or any of the links in this blog). If it turns out you don’t have it, GREAT! You are doing something right!!! If it turns out you do have it…Great! it means you are doing something right by looking into it and trying to get it taken care of!!

Beth has specifically made these workouts to where they are not going to do any more damage to your body. In fact, many woman have found healing for their bodies using Fit2B…some women need something more however. They need actual rehab work for their bodies. That’s where this fitness community is a little…different too. If Fit2B can’t help you, Beth has NO problem referring you to experts in other areas that CAN help. These are ones that she has personally worked with, tried out their programs and reported back on how they work for her. She is not all about keeping the business for herself. While she does desire to keep your business, she knows and understands that there are some things she can not help you with, and that’s where the referrals come in. She knows her limits and if someone needs more helps, she encourages you to seek it out! Don’t keep doing damage to yourself by not getting the help you need. Do the rehab work, AND the fitness work you need. Just don’t do NOTHING about it. Her caring attitude comes into play and you can tell that there is a real person behind this different fitness community by her compassion for broken and hurting women.

That’s where The Tummy Team comes in. For awhile now, Beth has been having a guest appearing on her workout videos to help lead in a few exercises…can you guess who that person is? Kelly Dean! The new lady on the block. The one that has been helping my aches and pains alleviate with her prego stretcho video. Now, to be fair, the prego stretcho video is not the only one I do, but it is one I keep coming back to for help (and this video has only been up a few weeks!) That coupled with a few of the other videos and I am SET for the day! Not to mention, my kids get a workout in too, because they are often following mommy’s lead.

I went and checked out The Tummy Team‘s page, and lo and behold! She (Kelly, the director of The Tummy Team) has an prenatal training video! Oh yay! Being 25 1/2 weeks pregnant, this is something that is near and dear to my…well I was going to say heart, but more correctly speaking, its near and dear to my uterus that is housing this wonderful new baby! 🙂

Not only does she have a prenatal program, her site has the belly binder that my midwife recommended I get!

Hmmmm thats it, I want to check this lady out. I looked at her program, asked a few ladies who had gone through it and that was that!
I am doing a review of her program and of the splint they sell on the page!!! Yay oh yay! I am so excited to be working with The Tummy Team and Kelly Dean on this. The best part? I can do it from home!!! While her offices are NOT that far away from me, being just in Camas, Washington, being a stay at home mom with 2 little ones, 6 months pregnant, AND being a 1 car family…its just not feasible for me to make it into the office for the rehab program. I was very excited to see they had an online video version of it…score another one for us stay-at-homers!!! Want to know another “best part”? If I want to, I can (and often DO) do the workouts from Fit2B in my pj’s…without my hair done…and without having to pay a babysitter to watch the kids so I can get some work done for me for once. Oh yeah. Guess what I plan on wearing for my first prenatal video with The Tummy Team? You guessed it! Pajamas…or more affectionately known as “yoga pants”. lol

I will be posting updates of how the program is going, so if any of you get interested in this, you can follow my journey through this time of pregnancy, and hopefully healing and helping my body do even better than it did with the other 2 pregnancies.

I am hoping to learn how to carry my baby/mommy body, heal my tummy a bit more, and help my body ease up a little on the pain and pressure that I have been having.
I am also hoping that this program and the techniques I learn through it will help during the time of labor and delivery. 28 hours of labor anyone? no? Me either. Been there, done that, don’t want a repeat! (please note, there is no guarantee of doing the rehab slowing or speeding up the labor time… I would just like to have a little more help for my body this time around. 🙂 )

If this sounds like something YOU want to do, I will be posting a promo code in my next blog that you can use that will get you 25% off of the price of either the prenatal training program, or the core foundations training program.

So what are you waiting for? Become a navel gazer with me…not in the self-centered way in that all you think about is yourself, but in the way that you are working on healing your navel housing…your core so as to be able to better take care of those around you.
Let me know your thoughts!

Life in the fast lane….

Here we are, 10 years into our marriage, 2.5 kids, 2 dogs, a house and a mortgage to go with the house…where did the time go?

Just YESTERDAY…October 24th, 2003, I was all nervous and jittery about getting married tomorrow. I stayed up late writing my vows (who has time beforehand to MEMORIZE their vows… ha!), doing the final packing and making sure I didn’t forget anything…turns out I left a few items at my parents house that has now morphed into my sisters belongings… I always wondered why that chair looked familiar…and that blanket…and that cot! That cot is MINE little sister! Ahem. I digress..or progress…either way, I am off track.

Fast forward to now. My annoying little sisters (who were 8 and 10 at the time) are now grown up mature women that have become some of my closest friends, my most trusted babysitters and aren’t so annoying anymore. In fact they are quite fun to be around. The mom and dad who were a bit too restrictive for my taste at 20 yrs old while I was living at home…are actually the people I run to for godly advice, wisdom and counsel. The husband that I thought could do no wrong and was handsome as all get out…well…HE still thinks he can do no wrong…and the handsome part…whooooo baby! That has just gotten better the longer I have known him! Rawwwwr! ok…that was supposed to be a bit…cute…turns out reading “rawwwwwr” in print is just weird if you don’t have the sound effect to go with it. You all get the point.

I also had in my mind at the time of the perfect little life Cris  (my handsome hubby) and I were going to have…with all the accoutrements. Our children, we would have 5 (we are well on our way with #3 due in July!), would be the BEST behaved children ever! We would have a boy first, then a girl, then 2 boys…then…maybe another girl, we were going to have a dog, and a beaaaautiful home that was always kept up… I would of course be the perfect stay at home mom, with maybe a business on the side of doing wedding coordinating with my sister…or maybe I would finish college and be a great homeschool teacher.. .or…maybe an astronaut (that one I am NOT giving up on…even though I tend to get quite nausous on spinning rides). My husband would have the perfect job where we could meet for lunch every Mon, Wed and Fridays and we would go on these awesome dates and travel all over the place…sigh. It was going to be bliss.


Real life happened. All of my PERFECT expectations are not being met. Quite a few of them are, like I said, we are on our way to those 5, maybe 6 kids with kid #3 on the way…but it was NOT in the order or the timing that I desired. I wanted to have kids soooo bad after we had been married for a year. My husband on the other hand wanted kids right away and I did not. I look back with regret on those times because having the imperfect kids we have now, I wonder how many more awesome little kids we might have running around right now.

Cris and I moved back to our home town, which is what I always wanted to do (thanks babe!) but our picture perfect life is not so picture perfect. Its so much more hectic, chaotic and so much more fulfilling than what I ever thought it could, or would be.

Cris commutes to work over 2 hours each day, we NEVER meet for lunch, we occasionally have disagreements (in my picture perfect world, my husband always agreed with me…how BORING would that be?! …not to mention selfish. It was a selfish thought folks…one that I still entertain at times…usually when he is wrong..which can be quite often. Cris, I hope you are not reading this…if you are…you weren’t wrong in marrying me! Take heart. 🙂 ), I am NOT the perfect stay at home mom with the perfect house…shock I know! Those of you who came over to my messy house today, please limit the laughing time to just a few seconds… for the sake of my sanity. I am LESS than the imperfect mother to my less than imperfect children. Quite often they  misbehave, often in the presence of others which makes it all that much more embarrassing. Especially if you have JUST been telling someone what well behaved little angels they have…. Sarah! I said NO! You do NOT put the marker up your nose….ugh… sorry. Got distracted. Where was I again? Oh yes, talking about how imperfect our family is.

You know, we ARE imperfect. But one thing I have learned is that is exactly what we are. Imperfect. I am striving towards perfection, but I always thought that I had to obtain perfection before I would be good at anything or before I would be confident at anything..or before God could use his power to work through me. I learned in my weekly bible study I have with a few of my friends that God used imperfect people to bring about HIS perfect will. Look at Jonah…such a pouty, whiny man it seems… He tries to run away from Gods plan, finally does it, pouts when the people of Ninevah repent of their evil ways and turn towards God, then gets mad at God for bringing a plant for shade for him and then having a worm eat it down! Talk about the wrong attitude! Guess what? God KNEW that Jonah could do that. It was Jonah’s choice to decide how he was going to go about this akward situation and what attitude he was going to have about God using him however he chose…..just like its MYchoice to decide how my attitude is going to be about my imperfect life with an imperfect family in an imperfect situation (950 square feet with 3 kids and 2 dogs and 2 adults…and all our junk.). I can choose to be grateful that God prepared the perfect husband for me… notice honey, I did not say you are the perfect person (although you are close! Just start taking your dish out of your lunchbag when you come home and you will be one step closer 😉 )…you are however the perfect person for me. Often when I am too emotional, you bring logic. When I am too harsh, you bring gentleness. When I am too naive, you bring wisdom and experience (no more close calls with car salesmen…NO. I will NOT be buying a car today. Thank you very much. Good bye!). When I am too critical, you bring grace into the picture. When I am too quick to point out the faults of others, you bring to mind Gods grace and mercy to us.

I can choose to be grateful that God gave us 2 beautiful girls (1 more coming soon!) that are super messy and super hyper and super energetic and know their own minds! Quite often the last one gets them in trouble, but as my mom says, right now at age 2 and 4, they are stubborn as all get out. When they get older, the quality will be the same, but it will be called “steadfast” and “Firmly planted”. Their messy endeavors- quite often are the results of them enjoying life. Creating beauty out of the chaos. Often when I think sarah is messing with her food, or messing her room up, she will look up at me with a twinkle in her eye and excitement in her voice and say “look mom! I made a diamond!” or “Look mom! I made a pattern! See, penny, toy, flower…penny, toy flower…what comes next mom?!”
Their hyperness (is that word?) means that they have energy and are feeling well enough to move around. I remember awhile back when Sarah had some sort of stomach bug and she couldn’t hold anything in her body. She was so listless…just laying on the couch, barely lifting her head just to drink water or eat the dry toast I gave her. I just wanted her sooooo bad to feel better…just get up and start moving around kid. This is not normal. I was so excited when she was feeling well enough to pick on her sister because it means she was feeling well!

Its all a matter of how you choose to look at the things in life that don’t quite meet your expectations. Take another look at them. I bet you will see that instead of life meeting your expectations…God has given you blessings in that life that far outweigh any expectation you might have had.

Let me know what choice you have made to look at differently in your life.

God bless!

Marty’s Fire… Ah….

I received 2 books this past month and I have been FLYING through them. The first one I started and am halfway through and thought, oh I have this down! I will get these books read, get the blogs written and get everything all done, NO problem. Annnnd then I get the e-mail saying that we are doing the book that I haven’t even cracked open yet! AHHHHhh. Alright, keep calm, no problem. I am a mom, I can do amazing things with very little time, very little notice, and very little money. I will just speed through a few chapters, write a little snippet so I can take care of my littles, and then I can go on. No. Such. Luck.

This book, Martyr’s Fire, by Sigmund Brouwer, was just TOO good! I started it and before I knew it, I was 7 chapters in! That was just the first day! Of course, it does help that the chapters are quite small, (which is something that I think would benefit MANY authors), but the content is such that I just had to read one more.

Before I knew it, I was at the end of the book and craving more!

I started the book out, not quite remembering the little details that led up to this story, but I knew that I had read the other 2 in the series of Merlin’s Immortals. By the time I was through chapter 2, both of the other books just came flooding back to me. I recalled scenes in which I had participated, the conquering of Magnus, the pain of Thomas when Kathryn was exiled, banished from his side, the desire with which Kathryn and Thomas fight for the other one… whew. Talk about a whirlwind.

This book has all the elements that I like. Intrigue, romance, mystery, a bit of the fantasy thrown in, and best of all, one of characters that showed up is one of my heroes! I won’t tell you who so as not to spoil it, but suffice it to say that this book is a great read. I would highly recommend it if you like anything to do with King Arthur, Merlin, or even just something to draw you in and away from the “normal” humdrum of life, pick this book up. You will NOT be disappointed.

as always, In conjunction with the CSFF Blog Tour, I received a free copy of this book from the publisher.

Make sure to check out the following for some opinions on this book. You decide if the reviews are good or not. 🙂

Red Bissell
Beckie Burnham
Theresa Dunlap
Emma or Audrey Engel
April Erwin
Victor Gentile
Nikole Hahn
Becky Jesse
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Rebekah Loper
Jennette Mbewe
Amber McCallister
Shannon McDermott
Meagan @ Blooming with Books
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Writer Rani
Nathan Reimer
Jojo Sutis
Steve Trower
Phyllis Wheeler
Deborah Wilson
Rachel Wyant

I’ve been glutened….

The other day I had what I thought was a safe meal…we bought kfc to celebrate my husband birthday and I ate only the mashed potatoes and coleslaw thinking, no gluten…I mean, its coleslaw.  Was I ever wrong. Trust your gut, trust your gut! For the past two days I have felt groggy, grumpy, not full at all and a gnawing ache in my belly…not to mention the headaches and my tenitus is back…(ringing in the ears)
I feel like I am on some reality show where someone with a camera will pop out from behind a bush and say “aha! You’ve just been glutened! Here’s a million dollars for playing in our social experiment.”
Thanks reality show…I could do without.

I’ve been glutened….

The other day I had what I thought was a safe meal…we bought kfc to celebrate my husband birthday and I ate only the mashed potatoes and coleslaw thinking, no gluten…I mean, its coleslaw.  Was I ever wrong. Trust your gut, trust your gut! For the past two days I have felt groggy, grumpy, not full at all and a gnawing ache in my belly…not to mention the headaches and my tenitus is back…(ringing in the ears)
I feel like I am on some reality show where someone with a camera will pop out from behind a bush and say “aha! You’ve just been glutened! Here’s a million dollars for playing in our social experiment.”
Thanks reality show…I could do without.


This was written after a good friend and brother in the Lord passed away on August 30th, 2012. It does not seem like its been close to a year….still miss him and his godly counsel.


Why does my heart ache?
Why do tears stream down my face?
Why does food in my mouth have no taste?
Maybe because the world is less one of the human race.

Why then am I joyfull you say?
What could possibly be good about this day?
Our loved one has gone HOME
No more on this earth to roam.

That should not make you glad,
You say I should forever be sad
But here’s a secret, my friend,
this life is NOT the end.

If you are in Christ, you are a new creature,Christ in you becomes your best feature
You die and then Home to Glory
The legacy you leave, best describes your story.

Will it be full of envy, strife and hate?
Or will it be one that points towards a heavenly fate?
Full of love, compassion, mercy and grace?
Fully reflecting the glory of Christ’s face?

There are only two places one could go
To be with the Savior above, or to despair down below
The choice is yours my friend
Remember, death is a beginning, not the end.

Copyright Rebekah Jesse 2013