The Pit (part 2)

Yesterday I shared what advice I gave a momma about dealing with PPD (post partum depression ) and thought I would continue the thought today.

I think if I were to add something else to the list of advice given, the first bit of it would be to pray. Pray out loud. Pray during the quiet and the not so quiet moments. Tell your frustrations to God, he made you and he knows how you feel and wants to be there for you. 

Also, when the things get overwhelming for you. The dirty dishes, the clothes, the house, whatever the issue…utelize a timer. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Fold laundry for 5 minutes. Then applaud yourself for getting it done. Who cares if it seems silly, just do it. Try it. Then spend the hour with the babies, or the kids or whatever. Then at the beginning of the next hour set the timer again.

One thing I have learned from Flylady and from Beth Learn of Fit2B is that for something to be effective, it doesn’t have to be marathon time from the initial get go. You start slowly and build upon that. Start with 5 minutes and tell yourself “I can do anything for 5 minutes except complain. If the kids interrupt that “only 5 minutes!!!!!”, don’t get discouraged. Remember the timer is still going and you can’t complain during that time. Try again the next hour. And the hour after that. If you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes with the kids pounding on the door, that’s OK. Take it for yourself. Whether its 5 minutes for doing dishes or laundry, or 5 minutes of a workout, that sometimes the kids even join in and then you can get a whole workout in (!!!!), just take those 5 minutes. It might not seem like much but it will help.

The pit of depression can seem so deep and so impenetrable and can be so disheartening. But please, please take heart. From one mommawho has gone through that pit many times to you: it does not last forever. It DOES get better. Pat yourself on the back for recognizing it and for looking for help. Don’t stop. Don’t give up and don’t give in to the hateful voices inside your head telling you that you are not good enough, joyful enough, strong enough, or smart enough to figure this out. Don’t give in to those lies. Please be kind to yourself, even if you have to tell the internal voices to quiet down (all of us know the internal voice I’m talking about!…right?).  Also, please feel free to reach out to me. Dear mom or dad who is dealing with post partum depression, I’ve been there.

 

Here is the link to the first blog about the pit. 

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The Pit of depression

This is the first in a series I will be doing about dealing with the pit that we can find ourselves in and the endless time it can seem to be when you find you are in one of those pits.

The other day in a forum for a fitness studio that I am a part of, a mom opened up and mentioned that she had just had a baby and felt like she was struggling with post partum depression (PPD), and asked what things other moms have done to help during those times. The following is my reply to her.

Hugs! Know this. 1)you are not alone. 2)this does not make you a bad mom or love your children any less. 3) give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for recognizing the need and reaching out for help. 4) there is a whole slew of people willing to help that I bet you know personally. Write their names down in a lucid moment, write them big and bold and their phone number next to them because in the pit moments you will forget that there are those who love you and WANT to help. 5)things that have helped me. a)multivitamins, magnesium, liquid vitamin b, some kind of oil supplement, fish or cod or flax, because our brains need that and so do our *bodies for producing all that milk. Also b) working out. Even if its for 5 minutes. Sometimes just seeing beth on the screen helped me. Seeing that she was talking TO me and not to my kids or about the cute little baby but was concerned about MY wellbeing helped. C) open those curtains and the windows! If you can, place the littles someplace safe, and jusy step out onto the porch for some vitamin D on you, every day. Set a timer. 5 minutes, or even 2 minutes and even holding the baby with you. The key is to get outside. If there is a tree nearby, takr thr kids, set them down and all lean against the tree. Its called grounding anf sometimes it just helps. D) there are essential oils that helped me stay sane. Somr grounding, some uplifting and some just smelled good which made me smile which made my brain start firing off happy thoughts. 6) I will PM you my number and you can call and vent and cry. We are all here for you and are pulling for you. I am praying for you momma!!!!

*edited for our readers of gender other than the nursing mother*

Toys in…bible days

So my 2nd daughter, Claire, has now twice put and tried to swallow money. Not the paper kind, but the air blocking silver and copper kind.  Twice we have had first responders (whom our eldest affectionately calls The Heroes <appropriate, right?>) show up at our house just seconds after Cris has managed to yank the offending piece of precious metal out of her windpipe and up over her tongue through her teeth to bring the money back where it belongs…NOT in Claire’s mouth, or esophagus. Sigh.

So what does that have to do with bible times? You might think I am going to expound on the story of the widows mite, or some other money related lesson.  You would be wrong.

After watching our 9 month old third child tonight go into her sisters room and try to put some small object into HER mouth (monkey see, monkey do, monkey choke too!), it made me wonder about biblical time mothers.

Did Mary, the mother of Jesus, go into Jesus’ room and wonder “should I take out all the toys that could choke his siblings?” Or maybe it was something more like “I wonder what Elizabeth did with her kids when she had told John for the MILLIONTH time to quit putting the writing tools into his mouth…should I get rid of ALL paper and crayons…er…papyrus and ink?”

Or here’s another one I find us dealing with, especially with three girls…did mothers in Bible times have to tell their children to “quit using ALL the leaves in the outhouse, your father works long hours down at the quarry to bring home those leaves!”…. In my mind I tend to think that biblical children never wavered, never stressed their mothers out and never ever embarrassed their mother’s. But the Bible says that (speaking of Jesus) we do not have a high priest that can not empathize with us, because he himself has been tempted in every way yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15).  So that tells me that not just the mothers of biblical times probably understood or at least went through something similar as what I am going through, but more importantly that Jesus Christ himself knows the frustration I am going through…that is, that he can empathize with me. Sometimes I feel like I am the ONLY one who has ever had to deal with this.  Knowing that I am not alone helps.

week 5 of Prenatal program

Here is another installment of my reviewing the Tummy Team‘s prenatal core rehabilitation program.

some of you might be thinking “week 5? by MY calculations you should be done with this 6 week program!” well..the nice thing about this program is that the KNOW that life is busy and hectic and sometimes people get sick, or get sidetracked or stuff just happens and we don’t get to stay on schedule as easily. So they ADD in a gratuitous time for you to play catch up. This has been SO helpful to me as one week I was sick with some sort of virus and could not really do ANYTHING let alone practice what I have been learning from the Tummy Team.
Another week I was down and out due to having contractions so often. Turns out I was dehydrated… since i have been drinking at least 4 liters of water a day I have not had those issues and I am able to continue learning more about how to help my body get ready for this babys birth…but not JUST the birth of this baby. The program helps you for AFTER the baby is born too to help your body get back in optimal readiness.

I have been using what Kelly calls “belly breathing” (where you  make a shhhh-ing sound as you blow breath out and bring the belly button to the spine) so often, and especially during any contractions that I have had that now when I am doing an exercise and I start making that noise, my husband and kids automatically think that I am having contractions and do what they can to encourage me through them. 🙂 I don’t mind one bit because I am expecting to utelize the same sounds and exercises when I DO go into labor. A little practice for everyone is a good thing (don’t worry, I do let my husband know if I am NOT having contractions. 🙂 )

 

This week in the prenatal program is all about getting things ready FOR birth, pushing, labor positions, birth plans and preparing my environment for AFTER the baby gets here…its alot of good info. I have had 2 other kids and so alot of this MIGHT sound like its old tricks…but one thing I have learned with each pregnancy is how much I FORGET with each pregnancy! lol

ALOT of it does come back to you as you go through pregnancy, but some stuff you just forget. My husband has been a GREAT resource on things that I have forgotten (like drinking TONS of water really DOES make a difference….or….the drugs that I received during labor with each pregnancy). The thing that I really like about this program is how approachable Kelly seems to be. Yes I realize that it is a pre-recorded video, made for a mass of people…but when I watch it, I feel like this is how she would be talking if we were just sitting down together over coffee. Even for the awkward subjects….like bathroom posture…sleep posture…how healing your core affects your married life…all sorts of things. She is straight and to the point, very matter of fact, and very kind. Not condenscending… I like that she reminds you of things you already know, but there is no scolding in the videos. There is just information and education, detailed enough that my “ask why” personality is satisfied but not too much information that my “please use little words so I can follow easily because I have 2 children that need CONSTANT attention for looking at rocks and bugs and various other objects and smaller words are easier to remember and to use than big words” personality is not overwhelmed.  😀

Just a short little update here, but wanted to let you all know where I was at.

Honestly, sometimes I forget to “do” the exercises that are prescribed (as in, set aside a time and just go through them all at once) but I have NOT forgotten to do belly breathing during contractions, or using the bathroom, or even when I am in pain the stretches that help. Its not something I actively think “Oh! do the exercises” when I do them, its just something that has become so integrated into my way of life that I do them without thinking.

I am pretty sure that is The Tummy Team‘s goal…don’t change for a set amount of time each day…change your way of thinking and your way of living…so as to have a better quality of life. Does that make sense?

Let me know what you guys think.

 

Things we don’t talk about….

So the other day I was thinking of all the things that  AREN’T talked about in polite company.

Things like Post Partum Depression, anger issues we have, sin issues we deal with, bathroom habits, and more.

I would like to address a few of those in this post.

I went to a fundraising banquet last night for our local pregnancy center last night and they were addressing the issue of what they do and why they need help. They try to offer hope and healing and help for those that come into their place. From free pregnancy tests, to counseling, to clothing that is much needed when you have a baby and have nowhere else to turn to. There is aLOT more that they do too. Sometimes they help people who don’t even know they need it.

I was one of those that needed help and didn’t even realize it.

Let me share with you:
After I had Claire, I remember hardly anything of the first 3 months of her life. I was SO tired because she had severe acid reflux that would come up her esophagus and choke her so she would quit breathing, often for long periods of time until I picked her up, or moved her or blew on her face, or whatever the many other tricks were that I learned to do during that time…it went undiagnosed UNTIL she was 3 months old. I don;t remember getting any sleep longer than an hour at a time during those first 3 months… she also had jaundice, hip dysplasia and crossed eyes.

Add another child to a mix of any number and usually you are tired for the first few weeks until you get a habit down…add the mix this kid brought to play with another child who also needed attention and it was a case for disaster. I don’t remember reveling in the newness of this new life, I don’t remember being happy, I just remember bone weary exhaustion.

I remember when I went to the dr’s and they ask you to fill out those survey things the question always came up “do you want to hurt yourself or your child” and I remember thinking…this is a STUPID question! no, I don’t want to hurt them. I just want them to shut up and stop crying and stop being kids for 2 hours so I can get rest. Stop needing me.  Stop crying…stop stop stop!

Little did I know that this was the beginning of post partum depression. I was not sad, I was not suicidal, I was not angry…I was just…not me.

Now alot of you might be thinking “well if she only had a good support group in place, this would not have happened”…I think I have THE best support group in the world. My husband is an AWESOME support and encourager, my family lives very close by, my mom and 2 sisters are some of the best helpers in the world, my sister in law who is also my best friend lives 3 blocks away from me, I have a great, caring, loving church family, and my inlaws came down for the first week of the babys life to help out, and not the least, I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am a wide eyed sanctified, blood bought, spirit taught, bible quoting, scripture toting, born again christian.  (that is a quote from a t-shirt from back in the 80’s…but I loved it then and it popped into my head!).

So it is NOT that I didn’t have spiritual/physical support either.

The problem is NOT whether you have a great support group or not…the problem was I did not know what to say to people other than “i’m tired…so very tired”… and that is NORMAL for a momma with a new baby.  I didn’t know how to voice what was going on in my head and my heart to those that I had been so recently gushing to about how excited I was for this new life that we planned on having, that we looked forward to having for so long and now…now I was not so sure I could handle being her momma. Let alone just BEING.

I remember going to the local pregnancy center and walking in and just sitting the baby down, letting Sarah play and just sitting and crying.  The kind lady (who is now a friend) asked me if I wanted to watch the video on “the baby blues”…I just laughed and I thought “here goes another one asking me if I want to kill myself! I DON’T! why won’t they get it?!”…but all I SAID was ..sure. whatever.

After watching the video and recognizing so many of the symptoms as what *I* was dealing with, I sobbed some more and I thought “How can I be a good momma if I am depressed?! Aren’t I supposed to be leaping for joy that I just brought another life into the world when so many have miscarriages or just ACHE to hold a baby? How can I be a good mom if I feel this way?”… the kind lady offered to pray with me and just sat and listened to me cry and then suggested that I talk with someone. My preacher, a friend or my doctor.

There was NO way I was going to say any of this to my friends and family…or even to my husband..how could I? They would think I was nuts! (this btw, is NOT true I have learned…well..they DO think I am nuts but not for this!) so the next dr’s appt I mentioned to my dr’ what I was dealing with and she said she thought I was dealing with PPD too. She gave me some info on the baby blues connection, a phone number that you can call and just talk to someone. just tell them and they say “thats ok…this is normal. you are NOT crazy for feeling this way.”…they also offer support and guidance on WHAT to do…how to get through JUST that minute. or hour. or day. or week.

After that, I mentioned it to my husband and my close friends and close family.  I did not share it with the world, there was NO way I was ever going to blog about it.

Why am I talking about this when the blogs I have recently been doing have been talking about The Tummy Team and the program I have been doing? Why did I bring up sin, anger, etc… because I think aLOT if not ALL of it is all connected.

I just recently had a conversation with my midwife about how so many things are connected.  I learned this while in rehab from a car accident years ago. I tried to wiggle my toes and my pelvis hurt. I tried to lift my arms and my pelvis hurt…EVERYTHING was connected.

Its not JUST the physical though. How many times have we seen our kids try to lie to us (when it is not the norm) and we see their “tell”…the twitch in their face or the eyes look away when they lie or the mouth quirks up just so, letting us as parents know that our kid is lying. Its because it is ALL CONNECTED.

Their conscious minds are making connections and their physical bodies are portraying what those connections are… its ALL connected.

My post partum depression was connected to lack of sleep…that is what set it off…(I am not saying well rested people can not be depressed, sometimes that happens too). That set off a chain of events that led my physical body to portray what my mind and heart were going through.

The same thing happens when sin comes into play…lets look at say…rage. When someone gets the feeling of rage, is it just an emotional only response? no. its physical too. Their blood starts pumping, their heart starts pounding, sometimes a vein pops out that is warning signs and then the anger spills from our hearts into our mouths and we do a verbal vomiting at whomever we are angry at…or whomever is closest sometimes.

I struggle with this too! Yes, I am a christian and I struggle with rage and anger.

THAT was hard to share. Sharing about PPD is hard to share. But why do I do it? Why did I write a post about “Bathroom” issues (that, too, was hard to share)? Here is why. Sometimes if we don’t share, people don’t see the real us. They don’t see that sometimes we too are hurting, human beings in need of help from our Savior, and also in need of help from the people he has put here on this earth! We like to be all tough and have this persona of “I can handle ANYTHING that comes my way… I am SUPERMOM…or SUPER WIFE…or SUPER CHRISTIAN” or really any form of Super that we can think of. We want others to think of us as the best.

I get that, I really do. I do NOT like it when my worst day is mixed with others seeing me at my worst…but sometimes its a relief. Its a sigh of “oh good..I can stop pretending in front of you that I have a handle and a grasp on EVERY. SINGLE. aspect of my life and I can go from that to asking for advice, or asking a friend to pray with me or to check in on me after I have a baby to make sure I am doing ok.

I think we, as christians, as HUMANS, need to start opening up with each other. Sharing our burdens with each other so we don’t get bogged down. I know when I have opened up and shared with others my physical struggles, but also my emotional struggles, what I find is that…. I am not alone. I am not the only one dealing with this (whatever THIS may be) and the other person was just DYING for someone to say something first.

So here you go, I am saying something first.

I have been through the battle of Post Partum Depression, I am on the other side and Lord Willing, I will not have to go through it again. But this time I am going to be prepared in case I do. I am working my way through helping my body to understand how it all works together, I am helping my body to understand how best to function in every day life so I have less physical pain. I am learning how to rehabilitate my mind to a different way of thinking so I don’t fall into the temptation of rage, or of some other sin. I am learning to be PRO-active in stead of RE-active. I am planning ahead (hence the study on anger, and talking about PPD and learning how to work with my body).  Part of all that learning is WITH the Tummy Team and Kelly Dean and all the work they do.  Part of that is with Fit2B studios and the caring love that has been shown to me there (Thank you Beth!)…part of that is with my weekly biblical based study on how to handle anger in a godly way with my girlfriends…part of that is with being open with my husband when I am struggling and ASKING for help and knowing that ITS ok to ask for help. It does NOT make you less of a super mom, super wife, super christian, or super _______  (fill in the blank)…it makes you a better one. When you ask for help, more often than not…you will get it. Please do not get me wrong. I think the ultimate source of all wisdom is God and his word, you will be AMAZED at the answers you find there for the help that you need, and often when I find myself getting angry or down in the dumps, if I start reading Gods word, it helps lift me up and out. Sometimes when I was going through my struggles however… I could not find my bible, let alone find my way to what I was supposed to do with what I had just read…want to know why? Because: I.Did.Not.Ask.For.HELP. Simple right? sooooooooo not simple though. Again, learning to be PRO-Active instead of RE-Active. I am learning that with my mind AND with my body.

If you  need help or just want to talk to someone about Post Partum Depression, or having anger issues, or having pain in your belly or back or sciatica or something doesn’t feel right. Feel free to talk to me. I am more than willing to talk or to pray for you or to help you if I can. I know about PPD and bathroom issues, and anger issues…those I can help with, because I have been there… If you are wanting someone to help you with pain in your belly, back, sciatica, etc…talk to the folks over at The Tummy Team, and check out Fit2B Studios because they have been there. Don’t be Re-active…be Pro-Active.

Thanks for sharing my thoughts.

Share yours with me in the comment section.

 

 

Installment 3-Tummy Team week 2- The journey continues

Here I am at the beginning of week 2 on my journey with The Tummy Team‘s prenatal program.

If you are just checking out my blog and my journey, make sure to check out the Preview, Week 1, and installment 2 to see what you’ve been missing. 🙂

I have learned so much just in the first week and it feels like at times I have it ALL… and then I remember what I was like at the beginning (see week 1) and I thought “oh yeah I got this!” I am learning to be less “Gung ho- lets move forward regardless of how much I know” and becoming more like “lets sit back a minute and make sure we are doing this RIGHT”.

Kelly, founder and star of the tummy team video’s just answered a few questions I had today and what she said at the end really struck a chord with me… she said “Remember, MORE is not better…better is better.” (emphasis mine). WOW. This is eerily similar to what I have mentioned before in my previous posts (preview, week 1, installment 2) that I have said to my piano students. I tell them “practice does NOT make perfect…perfect practice makes perfect”. I guess it is true in more aspects of life than just music!

I am really looking forward to this week as I have already noticed some improved areas of my life that going through this program has helped with.

For some of you, the rest of this blog might be TMI…if bathroom talk makes you squeamish, then maybe this blog post is not for you.

 

One of the areas that I have noticed improvement on is how much easier it is to go to the bathroom. This is something that we do every day…usually multiple times a day. I am not talking about peeing, I am talking about pooping… (and side note, when you have kids, its amazing the conversations you have with your husband… it goes from the embarassed laugh and giggle when you toot in front of your spouse to… “Oh honey! Did I tell you what color ——- (insert child’s name here)’s poop was today? it was REALLY weird..should we take her in?”..yeah. fun conversations. )
When you are having regular bowel movements, that is GOOD for your body, good for your mood, good for your mental and physical health. Thats the way God made the body. We eat the food, our body processes it, and then whatever is leftover gets expelled from our body in the form of poop.

When you are using the wrong method to “help” expell it..it brings on a whole load of other problems. From hemorrhoids, to diverticulitis, to worse prolapse and prostrate problems, and a whole slew of other things.

The nice thing about this program is that it helps to get things moving and get them moving in the right direction.

Again, this might seem silly to some of you that I am writing a whole blog about using the bathroom, but I think so many people don’t talk about this and so the problems continue and continue to get WORSE not better.

This is very difficult for me to write…but things need to change. And I have dealt with what I used to (not-so-)fondly call “tummy troubles” for as long as I can remember. Part of it had to do with being Lactose Intolerant, being diagnosed with IBS when in reality it was Gluten Intolerance, and a whole slew of problems that are brought on by being pregnant.

I remember when Cris and I first got married and I would be crying in pain so bad and trying to be quiet whenever I would have an attack on my intestines where everything that I had eaten over the past week, or day, or 5 hours would try to get out however it could…and then try to come out of the bathroom and just play it off like it was nothing unusual. It was so hard to not be sobbing in pain…and often I failed to quiet the sobs and crying out to God to make it stop.  That’s when we thought it was the medicine I was on…tried getting rid of that..and that would help for a bit. then I tried staying away from dairy in any form, (butter and cheese, is all that I was using)…aGAIN..and that would help for a bit…(a bit = 1-2 days)…I look back on the days that I dealt with that and a part of me is frustrated that it (gluten intolerance) was not diagnosed earlier. I could have spent the last 17 years in so much less pain and so much less time spent trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.

Having finally gotten my diet under control, I thought that would fix everything and for the most part, it has. I can count on 1 hand the times I have had an attack in the past year…before going GF, I would not have even been able to tell you how many times my body was attacked in the last week because the number would have been too high.

Doing this tummy program has helped so much though in understanding more about how the body works, why I have had pain the in the past and helping me and my pregnant body and belly to all work together so that the progress I have made with being GF does not go to “waste”… haha…get it…bathroom blog…talking about waste?! sigh. Sometimes I only make myself laugh. 🙂

Alright folks, here’s the gist of it…if you are dealing with 1)diahrea, 2)constipation, 3)hemorrhoids, or other issues that arise either WITH those things, or BECAUSE of those things or those things are side effects of other things (think hernia’s, diastasis recti, prolapse, etc), then maybe you should look into the Tummy Team’s Site. Call up Kelly Dean, TALK with her or one of her helpful associates and see what they have to say. If you decide to do the program, there are two options: you can go into the store which is located in Camas, Washington (think close to Vancouver, WA people), or the online programs. If you choose the online path, right now until this friday, you can enter this code “JESSEBECKY” (no quote marks) at check out to receive 25% off the price of the program. Kelly is a licensed PT and it not out to make people hurt, or to make people think this is a “quick fix”….its a lifestyle change and its not just workouts. Its REHABILITATION for your life and the muscle you use the most often. Your core.

I will update you all on how I am doing later on this week. I have found that the workouts are DEFINITELY doing their job. She said I would feel the different muscles along my back, my tummy, and the sides of my stomach…its ALL true! I am so excited to see how doing this program works out at the end of my pregnancy during labor and delivery. I have only about 11 more weeks left, so I am starting to think that much more about how I want this delivery to go down and doing what I can to get my body to at least function in the right way to do what I can do for my body and baby if things go according to plan.

Alright people, that’s it for today. Let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading mine (especially on this post!)

Prenatal Journey part 2… Tummy Team core training

Hey all,

I just wanted to give a little more insight into my journey through The Tummy Teams prenatal program that I am doing.

One of the things that has stuck out to me has been the pain. Not the pain of doing the exercises, they ARE harder to do than I thought at first… to be quite honest I thought, How hard can it be to bring your belly in while you breathe out? I already do that as part of my fitness routine with Fit2B studios, Phsaaaaw I GOT this.

uhm yeah. I stand, actually I am sitting, before you quite humbled and eating my words. This stuff is WORK! Trying to breathe out, while sucking my tummy in, while not engaging any other muscles that are trying to compensate for my lack of strength in my core.. wow. You know how many times I have had to STOP and start over again, doing it correctly? I did not realize that I have been doing it wrong this whole time! sigh. That’s alright, I am NOT giving up on this.

This is tough work because…well…its work! lol Work is tough, but that does not mean that we give up on it. It means we just keep working. I tell my piano students “Practice does NOT make perfect. Practice just makes permanent… PERFECT practice makes perfect”. Saying it to myself, I now know why my students dislike that saying so much! Its because its true and it does not allow for any excuses.

During one of the videos, Kelly asks us to write down some of the symptoms we have been experiencing, and any pain we might be dealing with. I thought…oh this will be really quick! I am pregnant so that is a symptom and…that was all I could think of!

Until I started writing..then I remembered I am dealing with this pain…and that pain, and oh yeah, that other pain! Kelly, founder of The Tummy Team, said that alot of time people come in and say “I have a high tolerance for pain” and what that really tells her is that they have pain that they have been dealing with for a long time.

That is me. I would not say I have a high tolerance for pain, I utterly DISLIKE pain…but I would say that I have been dealing with pain for a long time.

As I was thinking about this blog the other day, it made me think about after I relearned how to walk. A day stands out in my memory of me and my best friend getting ready to go somewhere and I asked her “do I look normal”…knowing all of the stuff I had been through, she knew that I was NOT talking about my lack of style. I was talking about
“do I look like I still need to bring the wheelchair in case this trip is too much?” I remember her telling me that it looked like my hips were weird. Like I was sticking my pelvis out…as I had to do during rehab because I had to hold onto the parallel bars (hard to do with one arm in a cast still), take a shaky step forward with teh PT stood behind me holding onto the gait belt wrapped around my waist in case my legs gave out…which they often did. usually after 1 step until my muscles started remembering what they were meant to do, and HOW to do it. I remember how excited I was when I walked the whole length of the parallel bars…maybe a total of 5 feet, and crying my eyeballs out and looking up and seeing my moms excited face because I had done it!!! I walked again! THAT was painful and tough work.  THESE exercises are tough work. Not painful. but it brings back so many memories of pain and what my body has gone through. It also made me think “How has relearning how to walk affected my core for the worse?”  Did I inadvertently learn something back then that has been affecting my body now?

In another one of the prenatal core training videos, from The Tummy Team, Kelly talks about our emotions affecting us and to have loving thoughts towards our core. I do not think that I have had “hateful” thoughts toward my core Per Se, but I did not realize how many emotions that going through this program would bring to the surface.

 

The reason my best friend, Cassie, knew what I was talking about when I asked her about “normal” was from the fact that the accident I was in happened on her wedding day…and she, along with a whole boatload of other people, were my support group and went through my healing journey with me. Anyone else and they probably would have answered very cautiously with a “what is normal?” She knew what I was talking about though. I was to be her maid of honor. Suffice it to say that didn’t happen and I missed one of the most important days of my best friends life…the day she got married to her other best friend, which also happens to be my big brother… no guilt there or anything (yes, that was sarcasm.) I do feel guilt over the whole thing. Even though the accident was not my fault, I still grieve over the fact that I missed being there and going through that joyous time with her and instead of emotions flowing freely at the wedding, no one was able to cry because they were concerned that if they did let tears flow that they would not be able to stop them because they were concerned about how I was doing. Instead of focusing on pre-wedding jitters and us nervously laughing about the honeymoon and enjoying pictures being taken of all of us in our wedding finery…Cassie, my best friend, was left at the church building waiting for Kevin to get back to the church building after coming to the ER to check on me and see how I was doing (I remember vaguely seeing him in between one of the procedures they did on me that night..from trying to set my broken wrist (they later had to redo it and put screws and plates in my wrist), popping my hip back into socket, putting a screw into my sacrum to hold it together, to putting an external fixator into my pelvis because it was broken on both sides). The wedding was an hour late due to that fact, but everyone understood thankfully and they still had a big attendance…but it was NOT the day of their dreams, or of mine.

So as I said in the beginning of this post, the thing that has stood out to me about this program has been the pain. The physical pain that my body has been holding onto for quite some time, alot of it, I am sure, after-effects of the car accident, but also the pain that my emotions bring to the forefront while working to strengthen my core and remembering everything that is has been through.

I am not letting it stop me from continuing this journey…because in a way, dealing with the various pains is a type of healing too.

If you would like to heal your core, and maybe some emotions along with it, take a look at The Tummy Teams Site and make sure to use the code “JESSEBECKY” (no quote marks) during check out to receive 25% off of the price of the program.  Only good for the next week and a half people so make sure to take advantage of it!

Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading mine.