Preparing for pain….

Apr4

My husband last night was talking to me about a friend of his that had/has cancer and was going to have surgery. In her journal she mentioned that the doctors told her it would hurt. A lot. And she mentioned “How do you prepare yourself for pain?”

That just got me to thinking of all the things I have gone through that have been painful and what i might have done before hand if I would have known I was going to go through pain. I.e., car accident, hiking accident, multiple concussions…and the one closest to my mind right now- Labor.

Some of you might be getting tired of me writing about kids or labor or pain, but that is whats on my mind right now. How do you prepare your mind mentally and your body physically for something that you KNOW Is going to hurt like crazy???  I have been praying since shortly after I got pregnant that I would be able to labor and deliver this baby without the epidural. I do not think its wrong to get one, I just really want to do it without this time and since I know myself and would rather get something to ease the pain, I figured I would present it to the one who knows my body the best and ask for help from the One who created me…God.

THAT prayer and thought and what is coming up that we remember at this time (the resurrection of our Lord) got to me to thinking of how Jesus prepared for pain. He did the same thing I am doing – he prayed!

Albeit I think the pain and suffering he went through FAR outweigh labor and delivery, especially the mental part of him taking on our sins and being separated from God,  but the bible says that he sweat drops as blood BEFORE the pain started…and while he was on the cross they tried to give him wine mixed with gall, from the studies I have heard the reason is because it was supposed to ease the pain and he denied it!!! I am not sure I will be so strong to do that, I have asked the midwives to not even bring it (pain meds) up to me unless *I* ask for it.

My thoughts are all jumbled on this post but with everything that is going on, I thought it was something worthy to think on. How did Jesus prepare for pain? How would I have prepared my body for the pain of having my bones broken (car accident), or my head cracked against a rock (hiking accident), my head cracked against a car part (concussions) and how am I preparing my body for labor? How do/can I prepare mentally for the pain of labor and delivery?

How do /did/ would YOU prepare for pain?

 

 

Steadfast

Mar29

My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, higher than the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and let your glory be
over all the earth.

Psalm 108:1-5

This was the Psalm that I “happened” to be reading this morning.

Ugh, this morning and last night all rolled into one big emotional stressful mess.  Yesterday on the way home, my husband noticed a knocking sound in our engine, he pulled over and checked the oil (which was bone dry and smoking!), poured in the 1 quart that we had in the car, in case of emergencies, was able to limp it to the nearest gas station and get some more oil and limp it the rest of the way home. The whole time with this horrible knocking sound coming from the engine.

Now mind you, I am due in 2 weeks, but this being our 2nd child, I could go into labor at anytime. This vehicle that this happened on is our main source of transportation.

So Cris came home and we had some decisions to make. 1 was made for us in the fact that our car is not safe to drive after having talked to my father in law and another mechanic friend who both think that a rod is blown in our car (for non mechanics, this is bad. Means our engine needs to be replaced which means $$$$$ that we are not sure is worth putting into a car that we were not planning on having forever!). OH YAY!  So, more decisions to be made. Do we fix the mustang (a ’67 289 V8) up and use that as our main source of transportation with soon to be 2 kids in tow, do we buy a cheap used car just to get us through till we can afford a better one? And if we DO buy a used car, where are we going to find said car to buy being as we live in a small, nice, but small town with a few car lots and nothing in our price range.

ALSO, the money we had been trying to save to put a fence up in our yard is now going to be going towards either fixing one of our cars or buying a new (to us) car.

All this put together, along with the fact that my husband was stressed and I couldn’t help him, my daughter was tired, I was tired, and 38 weeks pregnant all made for a stressful night. Tried to sleep last night and did not get much sleep so this morning I was even more tired and stressed as I was trying to figure out how we could get the ‘stang over to the shop to check it out to make sure that ITS safe and reliable without a car, couldn’t find the trickle charger to charge the battery (because being the smart car owners we are, we forgot to unhook the battery so it wouldn’t run out of juice and thus, no power to get to the shop)…I was stressing big time.

I knew I needed to pray and I needed to read the bible. I needed to get out of this downward cycle of pity, frustration and anger over our situation.

I sat down and opened up my bible and the above scripture is what I read.

After talking with my mom and her mentioning something along the lines of “If I don’t have faith that God is going to work this out, then what is my faith being used for?”… not saying that everything always works out according to OUR plans, but God has a plan and there is probably a reason this happened at this time. So I got a good dose of spiritual boosting there and then I sit down and open my bible to read the above scripture. WOW. Talk about timing.

This verse got me to thinking, IS my heart steadfast on God? Will  I praise him among the nations (whatever nations I am among!)… and then “Great is your love” and “your faithfulness reaches to the skies”…that hit me right between the eyes.

God IS faithful! He DOES have great love…despite whatever I am going through at the time, or struggles I am having, that does not negate God’s love and faithfulness. Me stressing does not make God less…God.

How comforting that was! How refreshing! It was like a splash of cold water right when you needed it.  God’s word is so awesome and his timing is perfect. We are still trying to figure out a way to get the car taken care of (trickle charger ON), and make sure we have a vehicle in case of a midnight labor call (that seems to be my specialty…going to the ER at o-dark-thirty in the morning, late night, whichever you want to call it), but in all of that I can rest assured that my God is greater and bigger than those worries and concerns and his love and faithfulness are not going to run out on me just because of a little car trouble.

That’s what I’m holding onto today.

I am deciding to be steadfast in the fact that God loves me,

I am his,

I have been redeemed

and I will praise him among the nations.

 

Letters

Mar28

I write letters to my daughter, Sarah. I have since shortly after my husband and I got married. We did not have any children for 5 years after we got married, but I would write to her still.

At the time I just titled the letters “Dear Child”, then when we found out we were having a daughter back in some month of 2009 I started writing letters to “Dear Daughter”… then when we finally decided on a name, about 8 weeks before she was born, I started writing letters to “Dear Sarah”.

I did not write in the book every day, or even every week. Sometimes a whole 1/2 a year would go by before I would write in the book. Whenever I felt melancholy about not having a child, or when I felt happy and excited about the possibility of having a child, (I didn’t know if it was possible at the time for us to have children or not, but figured if I wasn’t physically possible that we would adopt, I just planned on having children somehow some way, Lord willing), or whenever I saw someone else with a child and bits of jealousy would creep in, I would write.

I would tell Sarah (I didnt know it would be Sarah at the time) how much I loved her. How much daddy and I were looking forward to sharing the good things that God has blessed us with with her. How much we hoped and prayed that she would come to know Jesus and how important he was (and still is) to our lives.

I wrote to her that I was continuing on the legacy that my parents started, of praying for our children’s mates…and their children’s mates. I wrote that I prayed whoever she was that she would find someone who loved the Lord as wholeheartedly as her daddy did and who would appreciate her for her and help her to become closer to Christ.

I wrote to her that I pray and hope that she can experience the joy of being a mother someday and can feel the love that a mother feels when looking at her child for the first time.

I wrote to her many things and still continue to do so.

Why do I do this? Originally it was just a way to get through the feelings I was having at the time that seemed to just burst through me, I HAD to get them out of my head and onto paper. Now, its a way of letting her know, should something ever happen to me, that she was loved before she was ever born. That she was prayed for before she was born, that she was a blessing to my life, and that as the years go on, I still get joy out of being her mother, despite some of the frustrations I go through as a mom.

I plan on continuing this for as long as I am able and giving the book to her someday. I am not sure when, either her graduation, her wedding day  or sometime when I feel its time, but when she looks at these letters I pray that she does not just think of me, but think of the one who wrote love letters to her before even I was born.

These letters are so much more powerful than mine are, and describe a love even greater than mine ever could hope to come close to being.

This song gets close to what I am trying to tell her.  Hope it touches your heart.

“Written in Red”

VERSE 1
In letters of crimson God wrote His love
On a hillside so long, long ago
For you and for me Jesus died
And love’s greatest story was told

CHORUS
I love you, I love you
That’s what Calvary said
I love you, I love you
I love you written in red

VERSE 2
Down through the ages God wrote His love
With the same hands that suffered and bled
Giving all that He had to give
A message so easily read

CHORUS
I love you, I love you
That’s what Calvary said
I love you…
Oh precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

CHORUS
I love you, I love you
That’s what Calvary said
I love you, I love you
I love you written in red “

You can also watch/listen to the song here .

Stubbornness

Mar27

The other day my daughter was being a stubborn booger. Did I say that about my adorable 2 year old? Yep! Its true, as much as she is such a great girl, she is not perfect all the time. She has got a healthy dose of stubborness…from her father of course. :)

I was sitting at a ladies study next to two of my closest friends, one (Cassie) of whom had a nice yummy looking peach smoothie. My daughter, being the sweet-drink lover that she is, wanted it. Friend #2, Janelle, tried to pick her up and get her closer to the drink so she could get some…my daughter being stubborn and bullheaded whined and  cried and kicked her way off of her lap and went around to where she could get a drink of the drink on her OWN terms.  Janelle,  said “I was only trying to help get her closer to what she wanted, if only she would have realized that instead of going off and trying to do it on her own!”

I thought, “Yeah I know, what a stinker!” (and I was also thinking, ugh here we go with needing a discipline moment. I am almost 10 months pregnant and am tired and not wanting to get up to chase her…I DO, just don’t want to).

and then BOOM! It hit me… how often do WE as adults do this to Christ?! How often do we express a desire for something that looks so tantalizing to us, its not necessarily a bad thing, just something that looks sweet to us… God tries to lead us to it, or tries to bless us with something by leading us down a path that we don’t recognize, or in our own stubbornness, don’t WANT, and we deny and reject his help while kicking and crying and try to get to it our own way?

I wonder if at times God just shakes his head and says of us “If only they knew I was trying to help get them closer to what they wanted, if only they would realize that instead of going off and trying to do it on her own”, and then because of our rotten hearts and bad attitudes we need a little attitude adjustment. Not because God doesn’t want us to have the good thing, but because we in our limited understanding look at God’s leading as “not good enough” and we want to do it ourselves.

Yep, I think I know where Sarah got her stubborn streak from *sigh*

 

Labor of Love

Mar22

This is the title of a song written by Andrew Peterson on his Behold the Lamb of God cd and it goes through the story of the labor of love that Mary must have gone through when giving birth to Jesus. He brings forth the dirt, the blood, the smells, the sights, the sounds, everything about the story is brought to LIFE. So often we look at the birth of Christ and we know that it is not necessarily like the beautiful pictures of the baby jesus with a halo around his head and super chubby legs and his mother and father with looks on their faces that say “aw, isn’t that sweet” and we think, “aww isn’t that sweet?” We take it out of context. “Yeah, yeah yeah, he was born in a manger, she had to travel on the back of a donkey, yeah, yeah.” When does it become REAL to us?

I can tell you when it became real to me.

I was pregnant with our first child and she was due around Christmas time. Actually, she was due December 28th and for one of the services, either sunday morning or sunday night, I sang this song as a special number. During one of the parts of the song the Singer, Jill Phillips I think it was, kind of groans through the word, as if she is going through labor at that point. As I was singing the song, and feeling the child that God had blessed me with being able to carry start to move inside my body, I was overcome with the feeling of “This actually happened!”. God came forth to be born of a virgin…to go through the trials and struggles that we humans go through so he could be the perfect sacrifice, the perfect high priest..understanding our weakness because he has been there. He allowed Mary to go through labor, the pain and anguish that labor can bring, the weakness, the feeling unprepared and inadequate to take care of this little child that is going to come forth into the world, the tiredness, he allowed her to go through all that to bring about Gods perfect will. How amazing, how wonderful. I think that it was not just a labor of love for Mary to go through that but also for God to allow his perfect son, the Holy One, to come to the earth in that way.

For those of you who have gone through labor, in ANY way, helping a woman in labor, going through it yourself, being a doula, being a husband, or just being present, you know what labor is like. I have been involved in it twice, once watching my sister be born at home, and the 2nd time when I was GIVING birth to my first child. I am getting prepared to go through the birth of my 2nd child, and I remember what it was like. Its amazing, its life altering, its smelly, its bloody, its something that you must have a strong stomach for (in more ways than one!), there are a few items that you truly NEED for a healthy birth, and many things that you WANT for the comfort of the mother and the baby. I take into account the comfort factor of my husband, but that is just me, at least before the labor I take that into account, during labor, all bets are off.

Regardless, I look at where Mary gave birth, I look at how the savior of the world came into being; if I think labor in a hospital room, where they have all the newest technology, they have running water and baths and soap and a nice (nauseating really) anti-septic smell with the hand cleaning foam on every wall is smelly and bloody and yucky…can you imagine what it must have been like to give birth in a barn/stable? I am sure there are some women out there who have done this…but I haven’t.  I had the privilege of having my husband by my side (as did Mary), my best friend who also happens to be my sister-in-law and my mother by my side while I went through the scary moments and the pain of bringing a child into this world. The bible doesn’t mention if Mary even had a midwife with her. But it does sound as if she had the company of beasts of burden with her…being in a stable and all. The smell of cow dung mixed with the smell of  Mary’s AND her husband Josephs sweat, the tangy irony smell of blood mixed with the sweet smell of hay or straw…the smell of afterbirth mixed with the wet-dog-smell of wool from the sheep…there might have even been a dog or two in there for all I know.

Where are the ice chips that they have you chew? Where is the motorized hospital bed that can move? Where is the water tub that you can labor in? Where is the anesthesiologist? (not saying you HAVE to have one, just that there was not an option for her here!) Where is the crew of NICU nurses that are standing on call in case they have to rush in, as they did with my daughter, to make sure she is not going to stay purple…Where are the clean and sanitized cloths for cleaning off both mother and baby? Where are the heated blankets and the yummy chicken broth and cups of Gatorade that are brought in for you? And one of my favorites, where is the food cart so the new mom can have some sustenance after 28 hours of labor to replenish everything that was lost during the birth? Where is the shot of medicine they give you to stop the hemorrhaging?

I don’t know if Mary had any medicine or a midwife or anyone even beside her husband Joseph that was there to help and assist in the labor and delivery of her new child, our Lord. What I DO know though is that God brought about his perfect will through all of this. He allowed the suffering, (regardless of how easy a birth is, there are times when it is hard, I have been told… mine was “easy” compared to horror stories I have heard, but it was still labor!), the pain and anguish, and everything that came about from the labor and delivery, so that we could have someone who was human and could empathize with our weakness. How awesome, how amazing.  I am not trying to deify Mary in any way. I am just trying to bring it home for you and to put my thoughts down in a way that maybe you might look at the birth of Christ in a different light.  People say birth is hard on the moms, and I think it is, I also think its hard on the babies being born too.

Here they come from a nice warm cocoon of closeness where everything is safe, muted, shaded, all of their nourishment is met through their belly button (seriously, side note: how cool is that?) without any effort on their part, they are close to their mother’s voice, her heartbeat, the temperature is most of the time JUST right for them… and into a world of harsh bright lights, loud voices, they no longer are wrapped up in the perfect temperature, they now have to work for their food, they have to alert people to what they need as best they can, mostly by crying, it’s harder and different for them to expel waste from their bodies… it’s not always safe when they arrive, they are not as close to their mother’s voice or heartbeat as they once were, regardless of if a mother kangaroo cares or not, it’s not the same. This is what our Lord went through!  To think that the one who saved me from my sins came into the world like is…its very humbling.

 

Labor of  love? I sure think so. Just on Mary’s part? Nope. I think it was also a labor of love on our Lord’s part too.

Proverbs 31 woman

Feb24

I am signed up to follow this lady, Karen Ehman’s blog. She is a participant in the Proverbs 31 ministries, a website that send outs encouraging and uplifting blogs and often does giveaways of books that people have written. I have followed Karen’s blog because it has encouraged me lately and I just like her sense of writing style. 

Today’s blog must have hit a nerve with me. She had a guest blogger on and one of the things the guest said was “let us know what questions come to mind when you think of the woman of Proverbs 31″. 

Well, apparently that opened the floodgates of my mind and questioning abilities. 

Below is what I replied to in the comment box: 

I love the invitation to put questions or comments we might have about the lady in Proverbs 31… one of the questions I find myself asking is “did she REALLY get up before her household?” and IF she did, did she do it while pregnant, on 4 hours of sleep and having a 2 yr old and 2 dogs and a husband to take care of??? There are so many times I WANT to get up before my husband and have a nice breakfast all laid out for him, his clothes smelling of nice fresh laundry smell, but do i??? Nooooooo way. I am beat I am exhausted I am tired I am worn thin and I look at this lady and think, HOW did she do it all? Wasn’t she ever frustrated and just wanting to sleep in??? didn’t she ever just let her kid wear the same clothes 2 days in a row because it was easier? There have been so many times I feel inadequate because I do not have my family “clothed in purple”, I don;t get up before my husband, I barely get up before the “baby” who is 2 going on at least 8, and I have not considered any fields and bought them. I don’t spin, I don’t knit, I barely crochet (if the hat I am working on is any indication, it will take me another 4 months to get to the point where I can put the brim on). I do the dishes, laundry, (yes despite my earlier statement of letting my kid wear her clothes 2 days in a row…)and I buy the groceries. I don’t NOT do any of those other things because I hate being a woman or being a good wife or woman, but because so many times it easier to just sit. Or sleep as the case may be.
*whew* Sorry. Apparently I had more questions than I thought I did.

Yep, that is what I wrote. A few of the things I AM working on: getting maidens, or a maid, Cris still has not said yes to that one though..Making my arms (and the rest of me) strong with the help of my friends over at Fit2B studios, I am working on making sure that the teaching of kindness is on my tongue, especially when dealing with disciplining my daughter, there are a few others that I am working on and a few more that I fall short on.

So many times I find myself falling VERY short of what I should be doing. I am not perfect in any way, but I HAVE been perfectly forgiven by the only one who has the ability to do so. And as my uncle reminded me last night, God is my strength. I do not have to do it all on my own.  I CAN get better, but I am not alone in my pursuit of this, I have the indwelling of the holy spirit to help me. Much better than doing it on my own, let me tell ya. 

 

These have been the thoughts of a very tired, very eclectic, very sleepy, very pregnant woman striving to be more like the lady in Proverbs 31. 

 

Description of a Worthy Woman

 

10 An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

13 She looks for wool and flax

And works with her hands in delight.

14 She is like merchant ships;

She brings her food from afar.

15 She rises also while it is still night

And gives food to her household

And portions to her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She girds herself with strength

And makes her arms strong.

18 She senses that her gain is good;

Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,

And her hands grasp the spindle.

20 She extends her hand to the poor,

And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,

For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for herself;

Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 

23 Her husband is known in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies belts to the tradesmen. 

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she smiles at the future. 

26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29 “Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her the product of her hands,

And let her works praise her in the gates. 

The Realms Thereunder by Ross Lawhead – A book review

Feb20

I recently recieved a copy of this book (a link will follow this post) and would like to share my thoughts about it with you.

The first impression I got when looking at this book was that the front cover looked interesting, enough to make me flip the book over and take a look at the blurb on the back to see if I wanted to continue this journey with the book.

Thats where things got a little hairy. I like sci-fi-fantasy books, mystery books, christian romance (by that I mean romance books without the junk and garbage that is basically porn without pictures that is so prevalent today), and a few select suspense books. I say a few select because I have a very vivid imagination and alot of suspense/thriller books are scary to me! I might be a chicken, but if a book is going to be scary, I might read it. That is not to say that I dont enjoy scary parts in the book, but I don’t enjoy creepy books. Whew, now that that is said, I was not sure after reading the blurb on the back that I wanted to continue, but while it made me a little nervous to read it, it also piqued my curiousity just enough that I wanted to see where the adventure of reading this book would take me.

I am only a short ways into the book, and I am not disappointed that I decided to continue the reading.

More impressions of the book, are: The map in the front of the book was hard to distinguish and see what it was supposed to be. If I see a map, I want to be able to read it and see whats going on it in.

Next was: I LOVED walking into the middle of a conversation on the first page of the book. I have started writing my own book and have used that exact type of introduction, so that earned bonus points in my book.

To top all of that off, I was super excited to read a book by ANY Lawhead, but I am starting to really look forward to Ross Lawhead’s books.

I am looking forward to see where the rest of the book will take me, look for more posts to follow concerning the contents of the book.

As always, I am pretty sure that In conjunction with the CSFF Blog Tour, I received a free copy of this book from the publisher.

* Book link -  http://www.amazon.com/Realms-Thereunder-Ancient-Earth/dp/1595549099/

Author’s Web site  –   http://www.rosslawhead.com/blog/

Check out to see what other people think about this book.

 

Gillian Adams
Red Bissell
Keanan Brand
Beckie Burnham
Melissa Carswell
Jeff Chapman
CSFF Blog Tour
Theresa Dunlap
Emmalyn Edwards
April Erwin
Victor Gentile
Tori Greene
Nikole Hahn
Ryan Heart
Bruce Hennigan
Timothy Hicks
Christopher Hopper
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Rebekah Loper
Marzabeth
Shannon McDermott
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirriam Neal
Eve Nielsen
Nissa
John W. Otte
Donita K. Paul
Joan Nienhuis
Crista Richey
Sarah Sawyer
Chawna Schroeder
Kathleen Smith
Donna Swanson
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Dona Watson
Shane Werlinger
Nicole White
Rachel Wyant

New outlook

Jan31

Alright, I have been gone from this blog for a long time. Part of it was due to not participating in the CSFFBT that cris and I have been a part of… another is because we were moving, I was trying to figure out my 2 year old duaghters train of thought… it gets side tracked often… just like momma.

I decided I would use this forum to try to bring encouragement, laughter, book reviews, and anything else that comes to mind I think the great wide interweb would be interested in.

Just giving you a heads up to what the new outlook will look like. Hopefully you will find some encouragement through this. God bless!

~Becky

The Resurrection by Mike Duran

Mar23

This months book was “The Resurrection” by Mike Duran. I do not have alot to say about this book other than I had a very hard time getting into it. I liked the premise of the book but in my opinion the author used alot of lofty and big extraneous words. Don’t get me wrong, I do not mind big words, and can even understand most of them, but it just seemed over the top.

Like I said, I did not get into the book very much, I would love to hear some of what others thought about the book. I will try visiting the other blogs to see if anyone else shared my opinion. This month was super hectic too.

Sorry for the short blog, please check out what others had to say about this book.

As always: In conjunction with the CSFF Blog Tour, I received a free copy of this book from the publisher.

*Participants’ links
Noah Arsenault
Brandon Barr
Red Bissell
Book Reviews By Molly
Keanan Brand
Kathy Brasby
Grace Bridges
Beckie Burnham
Melissa Carswell
Jeff Chapman
Christian Fiction Book Reviews
Carol Bruce Collett
Valerie Comer
Karri Compton
Wanda Costinak
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Janey DeMeo
Cynthia Dyer
Tori Greene
Nikole Hahn
Katie Hart
Joleen Howell
Bruce Hennigan
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Emily LaVigne
Shannon McNear
Matt Mikalatos
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirtika
Joan Nienhuis
Nissa
John W. Otte
Gavin Patchett
Sarah Sawyer
Andrea Schultz
Tammy Shelnut
Kathleen Smith
Donna Swanson
Jessica Thomas
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Dona Watson
Phyllis Wheeler
Nicole White
Dave Wilson